


The More Things Change

by TrueRumbelle



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, F/M, Rumbelle - Freeform, Rumple in another relationship temporarily, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueRumbelle/pseuds/TrueRumbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Synopsis: Belle comes back to Storybrook after 18 months. She’s is ready see Rumple and ready to give him that chance to properly love her that she denied him at the well. She never expected he might otherwise be engaged. A story about finding each other again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She had been back four days now. Looking over at the clock Belle considered her time since she returned. _Four days, eight hours and thirty four minutes._ Her father didn’t tell her much about what has transpired while she was gone, and she didn’t ask. She was afraid too. Belle left eighteen months ago. Eighteen months and sixteen, or was it seventeen days? Staying with her father, having not ventured out of the house since she returned, Belle gathered the courage. Today would be the day she’d walk back into Storybrook and go see Rumple.

 

 Belle made her way down the stairs and decided to walk to the pawn shop. Her nerves were getting to her and Belle felt she needed a walk to clear her head and rehearse what she would say to Rumple when she saw him again for the first time.

 

She passed the pawn shop, cautiously peeking inside. It was dark, and the closed sign was on the door. It made Belle uneasy how quiet everything was. Rumple always opened by eight, and it was now almost nine.

 

She glanced over at the library. Belle was certain it would be closed as well with her no longer running it. But she saw two young children with what was probably their father enter. Knitting her brows together Belle wasn’t expecting the library to remain open in her absence. However she was glad the town did just that and she was interested in finding out who has been taking care of it. A momentary flash of jealousy passed through her at the thought of being replaced.  “What did you expect Belle? Of course things need to move forward.” Belle mumbled to herself deciding that seeing Rumple was what she truly wanted.

 

She walked over to her next stop; Granny’s. Belle could see that it was busy and it had her stomach in knots. Upon entering Belle came across a group of familiar faces.  Ruby knocking over the tray of pastries she had on the counter in her scramble to pull Belle into a hug.

 

Everyone at once rushed Belle. Leroy, Henry, Snow, David, all happy to see her again overwhelming her with affection and questions. David pulled a chair out as Belle told them of her adventures; self-discovery and that she realized her greatest adventure has always been here.  Belle didn’t notice the worried looks the group exchanged at that. Belle started to relax and feel at home again as Ruby bought her over some pancakes and tea.

 

Belle had listen to the others fill her in on what happened in the Underworld with Hades. The details her father didn’t know about, all the while avoiding the mention of Rumple’s role in that.

 

Regina had joined the group earlier so Belle decided to broach the subject of the library. “I noticed on my way here that the library was open. I’m glad you found someone to keep it running…”

 

Regina was quick to answer. “Well after everything was restored here we had an individual approach us about keeping the library open. She wanted to assist in bringing Storybrook back to some normalcy.”

 

“Normal as in someone set to destroy the town resulting in memory loss, and ending with chaos and confusion.” Emma chimed in.

 

Belle chuckled at Emma’s comment but returned her attention to Regina. “Who is she, do I know this person?”

 

“Probably not…She had been living on the other side of town. I had met her a few times regarding zoning matters and she has been a great help in restoring Storybrook. Her name is Noura…”

 

“She wasn’t in my book.” Henry added, taking over the rest of the conversation. “But now that I am the author her story seemed to appear. In the Enchanted Forest she was called Scheherazade. The Arabian queen that told the king stories every night for one thousand and one nights.”

 

David smiled at Henry and his enthusiasm. “Well in our world she wasn’t a queen, but she did tell fascinating stories. She was a person of high regard and more or less a diplomat that would help arrange truces and agreements between kingdoms.”

 

“It’s perfect though Belle. I think you’ll really like her and maybe you both can work together.”

 

Belle smiled at Henry giving a small glance over to Regina as she shrugged. “Well it would get rid of the pesky community hours the library has. We have too many unreturned books from that blunder.”

 

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to step on anyone’s toes.”

 

“I’m sure Noura would love to hand the library back over to you. She has a lot on her plate with running the library and remodeling Rumple’s house…” Snow was the one that had spoken up with all intentions of giving Belle reassurance but clasped her hands over her mouth when she realized what she said.

 

Belle looked startled for a moment until confusion and worry set in. “Why would she be remodeling his house.” Belle stood, panic in her eyes; she was ready to run to the shop. “Did something happen to Rumple? Is that why the shop is closed, please I need to know…”

 

David placed a comforting hand on Belle’s shoulder. “No Belle, Rumplestiltskin is fine.”

 

“Then where is he?”

 

“He probably slept in.” Henry told her. “He’s not so strict with the hours, and I’m still working there so he probably thinks I opened already.”

 

“Then you should probably go before he finds out you still haven’t.” Emma said pointing to the clock on Granny’s wall. “He may be more lax but he still appreciates a grandson that holds high work ethics.”

 

Henry said his goodbyes, hugging Belle twice telling her to stop by the shop later.

 

Belle looked at the rest of the group and could see now that there was something they weren’t telling her. Somehow Belle knew she didn’t want to know what was not being said, but she also knew that it was something she needed to hear.

 

“I know there is something you are all not telling me. And it has to do with Rumple. If he’s fine then what is it?”

 

Snow took Belle’s hand and squeezed it. “Belle you’ve been gone so long we all assumed you found your happy ending and never planned to come back.”

 

Belle shook her head slightly giving Snow a confused look.

 

Snow looked over to David and hoping he would continue, however the bell on Granny’s door chimed and Emma spoke up putting an end to the conversation. “Gold’s here.”

 

Belle turned quickly seeing Rumple dressed in a fine black suit, a deep blue shirt and tie. He looked so handsome and content. Belle noticed his smile was brilliant. Something she had not seen since he returned from Neverland with Baelfire.  Rumple placed an order with Ruby at the counter and started to walk over to the others.

 

He was about to say hello and take his seat next to David when Rumple’s eyes fell on Belle. That stopped him in his tracks; Rumple felt like his world was spinning.

 

Rumple stood there having been rendered speechless as Belle looked up nervously at him. “Hello Rumple…It’s good to see you.”

 

“Belle… You’re here.” Rumple said in a whisper, his heart racing, staring as if he was looking at a ghost. “I mean when did you get back?”

 

How Belle missed that voice. She was about to get up and give Rumple a hug when a woman with long dark hair came behind Rumple and took his arm.  Giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and calling Rumple her beloved, the woman turned to the group.

 

“Sorry I’m late everyone. I had to wait a moment to close the library before I could get here.” As she spoke she noticed a brunette she never met sit quickly down again her face looking down.

 

Rumple quickly stepped in. “Noura this is Belle, she is or rather was… umm.” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Belle looked up at Rumple as he stuttered to find his voice. “Belle this is Noura.” Was all he managed to say.

 

“Oh Belle!” Noura exclaimed realizing this was **the** Belle. “You’re Belle French…” Noura emphasized Belle’s last name, and the following two words. “Rumple’s ex. It’s so good to meet you.” Noura extended a hand to Belle which Belle took as more an automatic reflex then a sincere greeting.  Belle briefly made eye contact with Noura, and then looked back at Rumple with her gaze landing on his hands. She noticed he no longer wore his wedding band.

 

Belle couldn’t control the tears as they started to fall. She didn’t hear the voices calling out for her and she ran out of the diner.


	2. Rumple

Rumple watched Belle leave in a blur. He was still in shock over seeing her after all this time, he knew he should go after her, talk to her but he couldn’t move. Rumple had heard the others telling her to wait, to stop but she had fled too quickly.  His heart was pained seeing her in tears, but he wasn’t certain what he should do. Or what the tears were for; actually he was terrified that he was again the cause of her tears.

He heard Noura whisper something to him. Rumple couldn’t make out what anyone was saying he only heard bits and pieces; Noura spoke again all he heard was the last part.  “…was obviously overwhelming, perhaps someone should go and talk to her.”  It wasn’t until Ruby marched over to the table that Rumple came out of the fog.

Ruby had taken off her apron, worry set in her eyes for her friend. Ruby mentioned someone going after Belle, and then Rumple finally spoke.

“Perhaps I should go and talk to Belle…” Ruby saw the conflict on Rumple’s face and tried not to feel irritated with him or anyone, knowing that no one was at fault.

“No, I should go. I think Belle needs a friend at the moment. There have been a lot of changes that she wasn’t prepared for. I don’t think talking with you is what she needs at the moment.”

Nodding Rumple turned to David and the others at the table.  “I’m afraid I’ll need to postpone our breakfast and go to the shop.” He turned to Noura causing her to let go of his arm. “You stay here and join the others. I’ll see you tonight at the house.”

“Rumple, will you be alright?”

“Yes Noura…I just need.” Rumple’s face was anguished. He was still processing Belle’s return and what effect that was having, or will have. “I’m not even sure, I just need to think.”

Smiling at Noura, Rumple took her hand and squeezed it, doing his best to stay calm. He leaned in giving her a quick kiss. “I’m fine, I just want to head to the shop and think.” He could see by Noura’s expression she was worried whether it was about him, or about them; he wasn’t certain. As much as Rumple needed space to pull himself together he also wanted to reassure Noura. “Tell you what, I’ll make dinner and we can talk tonight.”

Noura smiled as she said goodbye and took the seat Belle had just occupied. She felt some uneasiness staying with the others. She knew they had all known and cared for Belle long before she came around, and suddenly Noura felt like an outsider.

As Rumple left the diner David followed, it was when they were a little past the tree line that Rumple turned around.

Rubbing his face with his hands Rumple let out a shaky breath. “When did Belle come back…did she say?”

David never understood Rumplestiltskin and always had at best a tense relationship with him. However since they went to the Underworld he saw the real Rumple and started to better understand the man.  He wasn’t sure he’d call them friends; David felt it was as close as it could be for a man that keeps himself well guarded. “She said about four days ago. Belle wanted to rest and adjust to being back before she came to see any of us…well you really.”

“This really couldn’t have worked out any worse could it? Running into Belle is something I was not prepared for, and I’m certain she wasn’t prepared to see Noura, and then there’s Noura meeting Belle.” Rumple paced for a moment trying to gather all his thoughts together. Finally stopping he looked again at David. “Why do you think Belle ran off?”

David looked at Rumple incredulously. “You’re not serious are you? She wasn’t emotionally ready to see you with another woman.” David placed his hand on Rumple’s shoulder. “She’ll be alright, this is all new and it will take time to adjust.”

“I would never hurt her. If I knew she was back I would have sought her out and talked…”

“I know.”

“She wasn’t coming back. Belle left to find what she needed…David; she told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to fix things between us.”

“Gold, are you trying to justify yourself because you don’t need too.”

Rumple closed his mouth at that. Whatever he was going to say pushed deep inside.

David wished this had worked out differently but all they could do now was offer support to everyone involved. “Listen, take some time. Eventually you are going to need to sit and talk with Belle. However it doesn’t need to be today, tomorrow, or even this week.  Get your thoughts and feelings together.” David paused and pointed back at the diner. “Noura is in there. You told me before that she made you happy. That for once you were glad that Henry and I interfered and convinced you to go out with her. Has that changed in the twenty minutes since you saw Belle? Are you suddenly going to leave the life you started with Noura on the off chance that Belle may want to try again?”

“No of course not…but…”

David shook his head and interrupted. “No, don’t go there…Listen; Belle will always be in your heart. I think even Noura would understand that. Don’t do anything rash; just give yourself a few days. Nothing is going to be fixed if you get ahead of yourself here.”

Rumple nodded as began to walk off in the direction of the pawn shop. Stopping momentarily he turned around and called out to David.  “Just to let you know, leaving Noura never entered my mind.”

“I know Gold. Stop feeling guilty. Seeing Belle of course would stir up memories and emotions. It’s been a confusing and trying morning for all involved.”

David headed back to the diner leaving Rumple with his thoughts. So many emotions were surrounding him; guilt, frustration, heartbreak, the bittersweet memories of Belle, and then back to guilt as he thought of Noura and what she meant to him.

Rumple walked slowly to the shop; knowing Henry was there was comforting. Henry would talk and distract him for a while.  If it wasn’t for his grandson he didn’t think he would have survived after Belle left.  


	3. Noura

Noura sat quietly at the table looking out the window. She saw through the trees that Rumple and David stopped and were most likely talking about Belle; about her. It was Snow that shook her from her thoughts.

“Noura…Noura? Do you need to talk?” Snow looked at Emma and Regina, both of them commenting that Noura could talk to them.

“I am not sure what to think. Shaken is probably the best description.” Pausing Noura looked at Snow her eyes wide in worry and uncertainty. “Belle is back…she’s returned. She and Rumple have true love.”

Emma interrupted at that. “You’re right… they did. Surely Rumple told you about all that happened between them. Noura, I don’t know if true love is enough at times. Sometimes you get in too dark a place that destroys everything. That’s what happened to them. “

“But Rumple is not that man anymore, things have changed for him.”

“He isn’t. But he also wasn’t that man anymore when Belle left." Emma emphasized.

Snow waited until Emma finished. “How do you truly feel about Rumple? Do you trust him and how he feels about you?”

Noura looked surprised by the question. “Of course I trust him; I know he feels deeply for me. As far as my feelings, well they are complicated.  Rumple makes me happy, he’s interesting, caring. I would say I love him.” Noura stopped a moment thinking of how their relationship started. “Rumple is a good man, and once you get past the walls and the guff…well Rumple’s dry humor, intelligence and confidence I find attractive. He’s been through a lot, and I think he’s slowly recovered from much of it. And he appreciates me and my opinion even when he doesn’t agree. “

Snow took Noura’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Did you listen what you just said? Rumple will of course always love Belle; very deeply but things became complicated between them. He has strong feelings for you that much is obvious. He’s been a lot happier with you than he has been for several months. Belle returning doesn’t mean that she wants to fix things with Rumple...”

“And if she did it doesn’t mean it’s possible.” Regina added trying to avoid too much talk about love, and Belle. “Noura, both of you could want Rumplestiltskin, and if that’s the case then it will ultimately be his choice. Belle can’t make his decision and neither can you.” Regina moved over closer to Noura looking her straight in the eyes. “Belle may be his true love, but you are the one with him. You are the one that helped him after his return from the Underworld. That’s going to matter to him.”

Noura reached over and hugged Regina. “I needed to hear that, thank you. All of you, I appreciate your words. I admit seeing Belle I felt a bit threatened but as you said she may not have the intention of trying to fix things with Rumple.”

Noura hesitated unsure if she wanted to even ask the next question. “Belle is friends with all of you. Things are going to be awkward at least for some time…”

“If Gold and Killian can sit at the same table and not kill each other than this will work out too.” Emma patted Noura on the shoulder as she stood. Seeing her father standing at the entrance Emma knew it was time to hear to the sheriff’s office.

 


	4. Belle

It didn’t take long for Ruby to catch up to Belle. She found Belle sitting on a bench by the water, head in her hands.  Sitting; Ruby pulled Belle into a hug and as she did Belle cried louder and harder.

Ruby waited until Belle was done crying and pulled herself together before she spoke.

“Belle sweetie talk to me, does this have to do with Rumple?”

“Ruby, I didn’t know what to expect. Not this, but I thought…”

“He’d be waiting for you?”

“It’s selfish I know…I knew months ago that I wanted to return to him.”

“Then why did you stay away so long?”

“I…I was afraid. I had spent ten months travelling and meeting people only then to wake up one day feeling empty.  Like part of me was missing, and it was. I was trying to find it out there, and I realized it was always here with Rumple and that I needed to take that chance again.” Belle took some deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

“So what happened Belle…why did you stay away?”

“It’s difficult to explain. I was afraid of seeing Rumple. When I left he had no one. His son had died, and I walked out without giving him hope. I was so afraid I’d come back and find out he became dark and started to hurt people again, and destroy any goodness he had…I didn’t want to see him like that. And the longer I waited the more difficult it became.” Belle looked at Ruby shaking her head. “Out of all the scenarios that played in my head this was not one of them.”

Ruby slid back a bit to give Belle some room and to take a moment to let this sink in.

“How long ago did he start seeing her?” Belle felt it difficult to say either of their names. “Did it take long or did he just…”  Belle couldn’t finish that sentence she knew a moment of anger and hurt didn’t mean she should be cruel to Rumple.

“Belle that’s not fair. You started seeing Will weeks after Rumple was banished.” Ruby saw Belle about to comment; lifting her hand so she could finish. “It’s not an accusation Belle. You were hurting; Rumple wasn’t coming back and you needed to take the pain away. Will was nice, and comforting, and knew it was a rebound. No one judged you for that, many of us have been there. Heck Belle, we all supported you, we still do. Even Rumple supported you; to go and find what you needed as much as it hurt.”

Ruby watched as Belle put her head down. Knowing her friend was telling the truth. “How long have they been seeing each other, you still haven't answered?”

Ruby let out a sigh. “About five months I believe.”

“Does he love her?” Belle’s voice was a whisper

“I don’t know Belle. I’m not close enough I only know bits and pieces. I’ll tell you what I do know.  Do you want to hear it?”

It took a few moments but Belle lifted her head and nodded.

“It wasn’t easy I know that. When they came back from the Underworld Gold seemed to have disappeared. He didn’t go to Granny’s to celebrate; after a few days Henry started to get concerned…I only know this because Emma had Granny and I on the lookout for any signs of Gold at the shop or coming to the diner.” Ruby explained and tried to give as much details as she could. “I am not certain how long it took them to find him. Gold’s shop was deserted and still severely damaged. He wasn’t at his home or the cabin. Henry or David would be the best to give you the details, but they found something of his at Neal’s gravesite and eventually tracked him to Zelena’s cellar.”

Belle became panic stricken. “What…why would he go there?”

“He had been drinking Belle… a lot from what I heard. Probably depression…I don’t know. I just remember them discussing that Rumple went to where the pain and darkness started.  Something like that anyway. You mentioned you were afraid Rumple would become dark. Well he kind of did. It was weird but he took the Dark One’s powers back.”

Belle’s eyes widen not sure if she had been mistaken all along and he didn’t really change. “Why, why would he do that, and why would anyone care where he went if he became dark again?”

“That’s it Belle. He didn’t become filled with darkness; he only became the Dark One because Henry had asked him too.  Apparently he had done something very heroic. You will need to talk with Emma on that…she had mentioned something about Merlin, and being able to contain all the darkness.” Ruby paused knowing this was a lot to grasp.

“So Rumple was a hero.” Belle said more to herself than to Ruby  Knowing that fact about the man she loved made her happy.

“He was and it took Henry to drag him back to civilization. Not sure how he did it, but suddenly Gold was there at the diner with David, Henry, and the others. Between their voyage to the Underworld and that moment was probably four months. Then Noura came along, she was already working with Regina on getting other parts of the town restored." Seeing the look on Belle’s face Ruby was quick to correct her assumption “She didn’t start really talking to Gold for months after that.  I know they have been dating for about five months. David was the one to play matchmaker and from what I heard Gold resisted for the longest time.”

“It must be serious if she’s redecorating the house. I didn’t think Rumple would ever what to change the aesthetics of the Victorian.”

“Oh Belle, he’s not living there. As far as I know he never returned to the house, just left it as is. Leroy does the upkeep in case he ever wants to sell it. It was about the same time he started coming around the diner again that he purchased another house.”

“And now Noura’s moving in?”

“I think so Belle.” Ruby was sympathetic, wishing the news she could give Belle would be better.

“What’s she like?”

“Noura is nice enough. She’s been helpful. She’s great at figuring things out, diplomatic, and she knows her way around books.  Almost sounds like you but she’s not.  She lacks many of your qualities, not saying that hers are bad they are just different. “

“Thank you Ruby, I have no idea what to do now.”

“You work it out. You get past this and find your way; here with friends to support you.”

Belle nodded giving Ruby a hug.

“Thank you. It’s going to be awkward. I’ll probably need to meet Noura sometime and talk with Rumple.”

“Most likely…It’s a small enough town. But hiding won’t make it easier. Confronting and dealing with the awkwardness will.”

As they both stood Ruby’s phone buzzed announcing a text. “Granny says that everyone is gone; meaning Gold and Noura so she wants you back at the diner. She’s offering iced tea and a burger as a bribe.”

Belle agreed letting out a shaky breath as they walked back to the diner.


	5. Avoidance and Denial

Rumple heard Noura’s car pull into the driveway. He finished the last minute touches on dinner and proceeded to the dining room where he filled both glasses with wine. Noura was a vegetarian which took some time for Rumple to get used to. She didn’t demand that he change his ways, she just grew up on babganoush, falafel, dolmas, and tzatziki; it was what she liked, so it was awkward the first time he cooked for her and made steaks.  

 Upon entering the kitchen Noura noticed Rumple’s eyes were rimmed with redness but decided not to ask about it. She knew that if he wanted to talk about it, he would; or she hoped so anyway.

She grabbed a few of the plates and carried them to the dining room. Setting them down Noura gave him a quick hug and kiss as she sat down. “How was the rest of your day?”

Rumple shrugged as he took in her appearance.  She was slightly older than him, her hair dark, which she usually wore in some style of braid; eyes a deep brown. She was attractive, kind, and he felt happy; which he had not felt in some time. “It was productive; Henry took care of the front. I stayed in the back and worked on some repairs; a few timepieces. How about you…did your day go well?”

“It was alright. After you left the diner the others were very nice about the situation. It helped me not feel so…I don’t know; worried I guess?”

“Why are you worried? Belle returning doesn’t me that she wants to try again with me.”

“I’m not sure her reaction would have been so strong if she didn’t. “

Rumple looked at her and reached over grabbing Noura’s hand. “I’m with you. I like you very much, and I’m not going to hurt you.”  Noura nodded but her eyes told she wasn’t convinced. “Hey…Belle and I didn’t work out. Belle left to find happiness, something I didn’t give her. In fact I hurt her; I did a lot of damage. I know I’m not that man anymore, but why would she want me after all of this?”

Noura placed her other hand over his and smiled. Inside she was screaming, _you don’t see it, how can you not see it Rumple? It’s denial._ While another part of her wanted to fight for this relationship. “You’ll need to talk to her soon I imagine. It will be strange for now that Belle’s back, we’ll get past this.”

“This doesn’t change anything I promise. You’re not having second thoughts are you about moving in? I still want you too. “

“No, in fact I had some suggestions about the solarium if you’d like to hear them?” Rumple gave her a huge smile that told her to continue. “Orchids, I love orchids and with all the glass the solarium will afford them enough sun and warmth to thrive.” It’ll be a great room for us to read, have tea or just be together.” A hint of suggestiveness in her last words earned her a smirk from Rumple.

After dinner the two of them spent some time going over colors, furnishings for the rest of the house. Right now Rumple’s bedroom which was to be theirs eventually was fairly bland not having bothered to really concentrate on themes or colors as he did in his Victorian.

Noura has spent the night as usual but it felt off to both of them although neither of them admitted it.  Rumple convinced himself it was because the day was stressful and that everything will be back as it should be soon.

 

 

* * *

 

Somehow Belle managed to avoid both Rumple and Noura for two weeks, though she felt it was partly due to her friends running interference until she felt ready. She slowly adjusted to being back, spent a lot of time with Snow, Ruby and Archie which helped her. Belle also moved to Granny’s while she thought of her next move...getting a job. Granny had offered her a one but being so central and the place everyone seems to stop at she didn’t want to risk seeing Rumple.

She was sitting next to Leroy listening to him talk about Astrid, Belle was happy for them both.

“So what is going on with you Belle? Haven’t seen you around as much, I know things are strange at the moment but you still have all of us.”

“I…umm…I just need time I’m not sure I could handle seeing Rumple with…” Belle couldn’t say Noura’s name. She still found it difficult to imagine Rumple loving someone else, _it had to be love._

Leroy looked at Belle sympathetically, seeing her so heartbroken wasn’t something he liked. “Want me to go and break of few of his valuables when I check on the house? I could you know and you could come with me, he never goes there anyway…And Belle; he’s a fool. “

Belle chuckled feeling a bit of weight lifted even if temporary. “Thanks for the offer Leroy but I need to go see Regina and then replace some of my belongings I had before I left.”

“Belle…all your things are still at the house.”

“I thought Rumple would have thrown everything away, or at least have boxed them up.”

Leroy saw how wide Belle’s eyes were at this news; astonishment and confusion as to why.

“No the only things that were trashed were the expired food in the fridge. Other than that he has Astrid and I keep it exactly like it was before…” It suddenly occurred to Leroy that Rumple’s motives might be more complicated than he had thought. “…Rumple asked me a while ago to keep the house in good condition; keep repairs up, things like that. When I had asked him about the furnishings, clothing, he was very adamant that everything remain as it is. In fact when I suggested Astrid could keep up with cleaning, he immediately contacted her. “

Belle was utterly confused now, this made no sense. “Why Leroy…did he say? He’s keeping the house as it was, won’t go there but also refuses to get rid of anything.”

“It’s not like he would tell me Belle; even if I asked. He pays well, so I don’t question.” Leroy shrugged. “Astrid did say once that Gold gave her an odd request. “

“What was it Leroy…what did Rumple ask?” Belle felt her body tense.

Leroy pondered for a moment and turned back to Belle. “Sorry Belle, I really don’t remember, it was something Astrid needed to especially look after.”

 

Belle walked out of Granny’s toward Regina’s completely puzzled by this new information.  Regina wanted her to come over to discuss some things. She purposefully walked on the other side of the street to avoid the pawn shop.  As she passed Belle still couldn’t help but look at the shop, figuring she wouldn’t see anyone, but as luck would have it Rumple walked out of the door.  Belle stopped momentarily to watch him, grateful that his gaze didn’t come her way. Her heart sank briefly when she saw him talking to someone in the shop laughing. As he moved out of the doorway it wasn’t Noura that followed but Henry. Belle smiled affectionately as she saw them together heading most likely towards Granny’s; wondering for a second what it would be like to be part of that.

Regina had some tea ready as they both sat down. Belle was on friendly enough terms with her but would have preferred to be on neutral territory.

“I realize my message was vague, but I felt it better to see you in person.”

“Alright Regina, what do you want to discuss?”

“Well the library and you returning to run it.”

Belle hesitated; not comfortable with the suggestion.  “I really don’t think it would be a good idea for me to work with…”

“That’s not a worry. Noura gave me her resignation two days ago.”

“Really…did she say why?”

“No, she didn’t need to. However I thought of you instantly to replace your replacement.” Regina smiled and watched Belle start to mull this. “The apartment is available, all new books added to the collection you would be made aware of, and any other matters since you have been away.”

“I don’t want this out of pity.”

“Since when do I take pity on people? You are the best choice. Besides it’s fitting you return to that position.”

“When would I start?”

“As soon as you wanted; Noura is fine with vacating the position as soon as you are willing.”

Belle looked at Regina questioningly. “And Noura didn’t really tell you why?”

“No Belle she really didn’t. Her reasons are her own.”

“Alright Regina, I’ll take over the library again.  Would Friday be good with you…that way I have two days to get anything I need.”

“It will be perfect Belle thank you. I’ll let Noura know at once and we can talk on Friday. I’ll stop by to see you.”

Belle was happy for the first time in weeks, she was thankful she would have her library back. As she was heading towards Granny’s she saw the library was open and stopped. Something made her go there. She needed to talk to Noura and find out why she was resigning.


	6. It was real

“Hey Grandpa.” Henry called to Rumple as he walked to the front of the store. Carrying a large book in both his hands, Henry carefully placed in on the counter. “When we came back from lunch I was going through my book of fairy tales.”

“Haven’t you read each of our stories several times?” Rumple said absently as he turned a few pages. “I assure you the Enchanted Forest wasn’t as interesting as it sounds.”

 “Well, I actually haven’t read all the stories. I didn’t read Noura’s story for instance; only who she was in your world.” Henry turned the book towards him and flipped through some pages.  Henry stopped at the page he wanted to show his grandfather but apprehension set in. “I umm...Grandpa, I want you to see this but I’m afraid it will hurt you.”

Rumple looked at Henry adoringly; a warm smile spreading across his face. Henry had been looking out for him since they came home and as much as Rumple loved the bond they developed he also didn’t want Henry to treat him as if he were fragile. “Whatever it is Henry, I promise you I will be fine.” He was still looking doubtful causing Rumple to really wonder what Henry needed to show him. “What is it Henry?”

Henry flipped to the page and pointed to a picture of a gentleman. The book detailed the story of Scheherazade with her husband Kian Selehi.

“Do you know who that is Grandpa?”

“Apparently it was Noura’s husband…why do you ask?”

“What happened to them? According to the story they were true love.”

Rumple was perplexed by Henry’s questions. “They were true love and he...he died Henry.  Why are you asking? What is going on?”

“How do you know he died?”

Rumple was starting to feel agitated; he could tell Henry was going somewhere with this line of questioning but was obviously trying to get information first. Rumple was gripping the counter that his knuckles were turning white. He sighed heavily. “When the curse broke one of the first things Noura did was go to your mother. Since Regina cast the curse and only a few places in our world were not affected Noura wanted to know if Kian was in Storybrook.”  Rumple’s throat was getting tight as he recounted the story Noura told him; suddenly feeling like this wasn’t going to end well.  “Regina confirmed that Noura’s husband wasn’t in Storybrook and anyone alive in that realm would have been brought over.”

“How was my mom certain that he wasn’t in Storybrook?”

“Henry…why are you…” Rumple stopped himself, deciding it would be better not to ask. “I would assume that when the curse broke everyone had their memories back. So as others had done; including Noura, he would have gone to see David or any of the other town leaders at the base that was set up to reunite families.”

Henry kept looking at the picture while at war with his conscience. “Is it possible for someone to not regain their memories or to possibly come over when the curse was recast the second time?”

“I would imagine not…however I suppose given the right events it could happen.” Rumple saw  the look on Henry’s face fall. “Henry…tell me… why are you asking?”

“I have seen this man. He’s a teacher in the high school…” Henry looked at his grandfather with worry, watching as Rumple took in the picture of Noura’s husband.

“Henry are you certain this is the man you saw?”

“Yeah...” Henry’s voice was quiet; fearing that Rumple would become despondent again. “What should we do? Do we tell Noura?”

At Noura’s name Rumple closed the book and gave it to Henry. “No, Noura can’t know” For a moment Henry thought his grandfather was going to keep this information to himself. He was about to protest when Rumple continued. “We need to be certain that this is Noura’s husband first. And then see what we can find out about him and where he lives.” Rumple saw Henry’s eyes glistening with unshed tears; tears he knew were for him. “Once we have this confirmed I will tell Noura; I don’t want to give her false hope.”

“Grandpa, what about you, I don’t want you alone. If he is Noura’s true love then maybe you are still meant to be with Belle too?” Pausing Henry looked up at his grandfather hopefully. “I know you still love Belle; even if you’re afraid.”

 Rumple’s mouth was closed; wearing a thin smile that didn’t reach his eyes; he shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s too late Henry. I can’t see Belle and forget about what I did.”

Henry placed the book down and hugged Rumple tightly. “That wasn’t your fault; it wasn’t real.”

“It was real enough.”

 

Belle entered the library and immediately she and Noura set eyes on each other.  “Hello” they both said in unison.

Clearing her throat Noura came around the circulation desk attempting a genuine smile. “Belle, is there something I can help you with?”

As a reflex Belle looked at Noura from head to toe, sizing her up in her mind. She assumed that Noura was doing the same.  She waited a moment to steady her nerves before she spoke.  “I came to ask why you are resigning.”

“I don’t see how that is any…”

“No it’s not my business, but I don’t want your pity either if that’s what this is about.”

“No it isn’t. I have other projects I’d rather spend my time with and don’t really need this position.”

“Like remodeling Rumple’s house?” Belle was trying to not feel hostile, but knowing this woman was with her true love was heart wrenching. “Have you moved in yet?”

“What does that have to do with anything? Not that it’s your business but no I haven’t moved in yet.” Noura felt impatient and a bit threatened by Belle and her past with Rumple. “Belle what do you want, because I’m not talking about my relationship with Rumple?”

Belle nodded realizing this was starting out poorly. As difficult as it was, she needed to get past this. If Rumple wanted Noura then she needed to be happy for him and not miserable at what she lost. “I’m sorry.  This is just very difficult.” Pausing momentarily Belle saw by Noura’s expression that she understood. “I just want to know how he is doing. I still love him you know.”

Noura felt some sympathy for Belle but at the same time this was his ex-wife and she couldn’t help but feel stressed. Noura feared the more she talked, the more she would lose.  “He’s doing well. However, it would probably be better for you to go and speak with him. The two of you have been avoiding each other for too long, and you both need to get closure.”

Belle looked hesitant at that. She didn’t feel ready to hear what Rumple had to say; the fear of rejection was too real. “I need to know that you will take care of him; that you love him…he deserves to be loved.”

“Do you know what happened in the Underworld to Rumple?”

Belle shook her head. “I haven’t asked.”

“You probably should; I imagine you should know. Ask David; ask Emma; Henry, anyone who was there during and after.” Noura was trying to find the right words regarding their relationship but felt at a loss. “Belle, I knew what I was getting into with Rumple. I don’t have any illusions of what he feels for me.” Noura looked pointedly at Belle “I don’t hold unrealistic views on love. I know in some way he loves me but obviously it will never be what you both _had_. I realize what we have is not true love, but if a simpler form of love is someone making you happy, caring for you, enjoying each other’s company then yes, I do love him.” Noura saw Belle’s expression fall with that. “I’m happy and I’m certain he is as well.”

“But it’s not true love…” Belle walked closer to Noura to say what she really needed to. “True love where you and the other person are one…you are two halves; and when you find each other you are complete. True love is stronger, more passionate, you realize love is not something that you do; love is the way you are. Wouldn’t you rather have that? “

“Seeing how that turned out for you two I’m not certain it’s all it’s cracked up to be.” It was a low blow and Noura knew that. A twinge of guilt came over her as she walked behind the circulation desk.

Feeling defeated Belle turned to leave when she heard Noura’s voice. “Belle…I’ll leave some notes of what I did in your absence. It’ll make the transition easier.” Belle turned her head slightly towards Noura and nodded; a whispered _thank you_ was all she could say. “For what it’s worth Rumple still... _cares_ for you. He’s trying to move on; maybe you should consider the same.” Noura said coolly not wanting Belle to see her vulnerability.

Belle wanted to run away wishing that she had never come back in the first place. _If I do I’ll be no better off than I was when I left._ If only she told Rumple she’d come back to him. That she only needed some time maybe; _No, that wasn’t right either._ “I saw what was right in front of me and I panicked. More afraid of not being enough this time.” Belle paused on the street as she saw Henry leave the pawn shop. “But I was always enough wasn’t I? I was too blinded by how I thought it was supposed to be that I wasn’t _realistic_.” Belle recalled Noura’s words to her moments ago. “That he was a good man all along; he just needed to see that too. To believe he was worthy of love; but I pushed for perfection. I expected change and it to be instant; I failed him as much as I thought he failed me.”

She contemplated for several minutes on whether she would go see Rumple or not.  Deciding against it she made her way instead to the sheriff’s station hoping that either David or Emma would be there. Belle needed to know what happened in the Underworld so she could figure this out.

 

David was on the phone to Snow while Emma appeared to be moving files in an attempt to feel busy.  Seeing Belle enter David said goodbye to his wife and motioned Belle to take a seat. Emma walked over sitting at the edge of a desk as David took a seat next to Belle. They both could see something was troubling her.

“Belle…What can we do for you?”  David asked as he looked up at Emma; both knowing this was regarding Rumple.

“I want you to tell me what occurred in the Underworld. Something happened to Rumple and from the bits and pieces I heard it sounds terrible.”

It was Emma’s turn to reply. “It was Belle. I think I could rank it up there with the year he was Zelena’s prisoner and all that happened because of it.”

Belle looked horrified at this news; David placed his hand on her shoulder to offer support. “Belle what do you know?”

Belle breath was shaking as she fought her tears back. “Bits and pieces from Ruby; she said something happened back there. That Rumple disappeared when you returned. That no one could find him.” She watched as both Emma and David nodded in agreement. “I guess he had gone to Neal’s grave which ultimately led you to Zelena’s cellar…but that’s all I really know.”

“Its story I doubt you’ll get him to tell you. I think part of him still believes it was real…” David wanted Belle to be prepared hoping she could handle it.

“What happened there?”

“He killed you.”


	7. Enthralled

_He killed you_ Belle stared at David confused and not certain how to respond.

“I don’t understand. I’m right here; Rumple obviously understands he didn’t kill me.”

“Intellectually he does Belle, but sometimes an event can cause such trauma that the person has trouble recovering from it. When we found him in Zelena’s cellar he was in a terrible state. He had been drinking, suffering from post-traumatic stress and now looking back at it I think Gold had, but wasn’t dealing with PTSD since he was Zelena’s captive.”

“David’s right about that Belle. He was lying in the cage mumbling about this is where he failed everyone. That he wasn’t strong enough and this is where he lost you and Neal.” Emma pursed her lips together sympathetically at Belle seeing fresh tears running down her cheeks. “Honestly Belle, I think the Underworld was just the breaking point.  If you look back at everything the signs were all there that he was falling apart. “

“We just chose to ignore it, especially me who was the one person that should have noticed.” Wiping the tears away Belle looked down to the floor, memories of the past haunting her.

“Belle…Hey it wasn’t your fault.” David saw the pain in Belle’s eyes. “Your husband is a master at keeping things inside. He didn’t want to appear vulnerable to anyone, especially you. He would have done whatever he needed to not feel defenseless or exposed.”

Belle nodded not really comforted by what David said, but it was too late to change the past, right now she needed to understand what happened. “And the Underworld was this breaking point for Rumple? So what exactly happened?”

Taking a deep breath David started. “The Underworld is ruled by Hades who seems to have a penchant for keeping the living enthralled there permanently by using apparitions or doppelgangers may be a better term to lure and trap them. It affected Gold the most …” David told Belle about the encounter with Milah, Pan, Cora and a few others. He explained that these doppelgangers would play on your mind; reminding you of trauma; Zelena for example. Or loved ones you lost would convince you to stay with them for eternity, that there would be no pain.  “Regina thinks Gold was more susceptible because he had already been there.”

“One would think that a person’s experience there would give them an advantage, but Hades had the upper hand. He knew your weakness by then and exploited it.”  Emma had interrupted momentarily to hand Belle a glass of water; motioning David to continue.

“Once we realized what was happening it was decided that we needed to stay in a group so no one would fall under any spell.  However Gold was already lost to us and we didn’t realize it.  Then he vanished from the group only to return later on with Neal in tow. This obviously was another doppelganger and it had convinced Gold to bring Henry to him. “

Belle listened to the story David was telling, her face looking more and more shocked.  

 “Hades set a trap for us by placing a barrier between Gold, Henry and us. It didn’t take much convincing for Henry to want to stay with his father. However something Neal said caused Gold to snap.  He looked at Neal telling him that Henry would never leave his mothers. “

As David paused Emma chimed in to continue the story. “As Gold struggled to regain his will Neal was joined by an apparition of you. Now there were two forces trying to convince Gold to stay, and the four of you, Henry included would be a family. The thing is Belle these demons were real, they were flesh and blood. They looked, talked, and had mannerisms exactly like the real person. Hades would delve into your mind and see the image you had of a person and recreate them to convince you they were real. The only flaw is that the image you create in your mind is not true to the reality and that is all Hades had to work with. So when Neal spoke to Henry and said things that didn’t coincide with Gold’s memories of his son it started to fall apart. When you showed up to reinforce the hold on Gold’s mind you also didn’t say things true to who you really are…Eventually it came down to Gold needing to fight to break Henry and himself from this hold Hades had on them. Gold pleaded to let Henry go back with us and he’d stay, that he missed both Baelfire and you.” Emma needed a moment to get her own composure as the memory of it also haunted her. “Hades must have agreed because both doppelgangers went to Gold and embraced him, but as you know Henry has a lot of stubbornness in him; he wasn’t going to let his grandfather stay and become enthralled again.  They attacked Henry and were about to kill him; Gold stopped them, but not before Neal and…well you forced Gold to choose. Kill Henry and he could remain here loved and be the family he’s never going to have in our world or try and kill them to free Henry.”

“During all of this we were trying to break the barrier and I hate to say it, but none of us believed that Gold would choose Henry. He became the Dark One again after all and he’s not known for his selflessness…We were wrong…about many things when it comes to Rumplestiltskin.  When it came down to that choice it appeared as if Gold was going to kill Henry, but instead used his magic to force Henry away from them as he ran a sword through Neal and you.“ David knew the next part was going to be especially difficult for Belle to hear. “Neal died instantly, but you were bleeding out telling him that this was his fault. Gold cradled you in his arms telling you that he was sorry, that he didn’t mean too. Before you died you told him to remember what he did…that he killed his son and you.”

Belle was going to vomit, she knew that it wasn’t really her that did this, but the fact that it was real enough for Rumple to be this effected was mortifying. “What...happ...” Belle couldn’t finish.

“We aren’t even sure how we were able to bring Gold back to Storybrook. He was practically catatonic the whole time. No one knew what to do or say to help. The whole ordeal was heart wrenching and it forced all of us to see the hypocrisy in the way we treated him. When we returned it was the first time we saw any emotion from him. Gold said he was going to his shop and when asked by Henry, he assured him that he was fine and just needed some time. We could see how haunted he looked and we were concerned.” Emma stood as she heard the door open, apparently Regina had walked in. 

“Are we discussing Rumplestiltskin?” Regina saw Belle and didn’t need to ask what they were discussing, the pain was written all over Belle’s face.

“Yes, we were talking about what happened… “David turned his attention back to Belle. “We didn’t hear from him so Henry got Archie involved. That’s when we found the pawn shop destroyed and he went missing.”

“Which leads us up to currents events; Rumplestiltskin was found… Henry played a big part in his recovery and all of us working together as a family…” Regina finished obviously not feeling patient at the moment.

“And then Noura came along…” Belle said silently, but understood now how Noura coming into Rumple’s life was part of the healing process that he desperately needed. _If I had been there for him would he have suffered less?_ Belle stood thanking David and Emma for telling her what happened. Needing to figure this all out Belle left promising to still have lunch as agreed to with Snow tomorrow.

As soon as the door closed Regina turned to Emma. “I need you to look into someone discreetly. “

“Okay…who is it and why?”

“His name is Kian Selehi, he’s a college prep teacher at the high school. “

Emma looked slightly confused by this request, but before she could inquire Regina told her the details.

“Gold called me, said he believes this may be Noura’s husband and wants to be certain.”

“Certain…?”

“Certain before he tells Noura; he fears that if she thought there was a chance her husband was alive and it ended up being a false lead that she’d…He  doesn’t want to see her hurt.”

“Okay. David and I will look into this.” Emma wrote down his name saying she’d let Regina and Gold know what she found out.

 

~

 

Noura and Rumple sat on the sofa after dinner, noting how quiet and faraway Rumple seemed to be since he came home that night.

Noura curled next to him placing her head on Rumple’s shoulder. “You’ve been silent all night. I know something is troubling you…Is it Belle?” Noura was hesitant about bringing Belle up, but the mention of her name seemed to bring Rumple out of his reverie.

“What...Belle?” Rumple looked at Noura and pulled her into his arms. “No I’m sorry. I had my mind elsewhere. I don’t mean to be distant… it’s just been a long day that’s all.” Rumple leaned his forehead on Noura’s and kissed her.

“Mmmm...This is nice.” Noura moved closer to Rumple running her hand through his hair; deepening the kiss. They both started reacting to the kiss as it became more sensual. Rumple kissed her jawline and moved to her neck, nibbling and sucking to get the desired sounds from Noura.  As things became more ardent Rumple felt Noura start to unbuckle his pants and his conscience pulled at him. Taking Noura’s hands away Rumple broke the kiss looking at her face with heartache. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.”

“What’s wrong…don’t you want me?”

“Oh gods yes…but I can’t. It’s not right, not at the moment.”

By the look on Noura’s face Rumple knew she thought it had to do with Belle. Internally he was convincing himself that it only had to do with the possibility that Noura’s husband could be alive.  “Noura I want you, more than anything… this has nothing to do with Belle.”

Noura pulled away too hurt and not convinced that Belle wasn’t part of the reason. “Do you still want me to spend the night?”

“I don’t think so Noura. I just…I need to figure something out.”

Rumple wanted to talk, to stop Noura from leaving as he saw how hurt she was. He was tempted for a moment to erase everyone’s knowledge of Kian away and return things to the way they were, but Belle also entered his mind. He was frozen in place as he heard Noura’s car drive off. _Tomorrow I will talk to her._

 

 

 

 


	8. The Long and Winding

Rumple was relieved that today was Henry’s day off. As much as he loved his grandson he needed the space right now.  Henry could be very intense about being a hero, doing the right thing and at the moment Rumple just felt like killing something. He understood that it was the darkness calling him and Rumple was so far removed now that he easily controlled it.  It didn’t stop him at times to just indulge the thought. It wasn’t healthy however and right now all Rumple could do was focus on how he had disappointed everyone in his life; Milah, Baelfire, Belle and now Noura.  Henry would be disappointed too if he knew that his grandfather was tempted to give in. He wouldn’t though; instead Rumple would fidget and tinker around the shop until someone would check on him. Usually it was David or Archie, but there was even a rare moment when Granny did.  Ruby had stopped to see him when Belle first arrived, more for Belle’s sake than anything. She was a true friend to Belle and as much as Rumple admired that trait it was also difficult when Ruby told him what she thought of the situation. She didn’t want Rumple to say anything that might further hurt Belle if it could be avoided to which he agreed, but there was also Noura to consider.

Noura left his house hurt and uncertain. He was sure Noura felt he had rejected her over Belle. He couldn’t tell her though, and Rumple hated how conflicted he was. Part of him couldn’t make love to Noura with the thought that her husband may be alive. Rumple knew he was fooling himself as well. Ever since Belle’s return he’s felt confused and distant with Noura. Belle was his true love, but it had ended. She didn’t want him, and he couldn’t really blame her. So why was he so damn guilty, and why was he afraid of seeing her? When he first saw Belle all he wanted to do was grab her to make certain she wasn’t a ghost, that she was real. Instead he felt guilty. Belle would have never left, never felt that she couldn’t be with him if he hadn’t caused such destruction, and Noura wouldn’t be hurting now if he wasn’t so confused. Rumple saw Belle and he became stressed and anxious as all the emotions long buried came to surface; from the regrets of losing Belle’s love so long ago to the nightmarish experience in the Underworld and what he did there. Love was too painful and Rumple was beginning to think it just wasn’t worth it.

 The day was slow, which a blessing was as Rumple didn’t want to deal with David and his optimism. He grabbed lunch at Granny’s early so he could avoid everyone. Deciding to keep the closed sign on the door, Rumple left messages to both Emma and Regina for progress on Kian Selehi.

Noura was on his mind, Rumple needed to do something to fix this. But how could he reassure her when he wasn’t sure? He’d need to talk to her, and at the moment their relationship seemed to be on fragile ground. He could give in and act like nothing was wrong and take her to his bed, he could tell her the truth, or Rumple could avoid Noura until he could know for certain about her husband. 

Rumple sat in the back room lunch unopened, staring at his phone. A whiskey bottle in the cabinet hasn’t been touched in ages was very tempting right now. Picking up the phone he called Noura whose phone went automatically to voice mail. “Hey, I wanted say I’m sorry about last night. I know things have been strange and I’m sorry for that as well. Can we see each other tonight? Call me back. I lo….”

Rumple didn’t hear the door open or notice that anyone had walked to the back, but when the curtain moved and Belle walked through Rumple found he was unable to finish his message.

Placing his phone down all Rumple could do was stare at Belle.  She looked tired as if she had been crying, most likely because of him Rumple figured, adding to his guilt. Rumple fought the urge to hug Belle and do whatever needed to be done to have her happy again.

“Hey” was all he could muster as he started rubbing his fingers together, a habit that signaled his uneasiness.

Belle felt a mix of hurt and jealousy as she realized she had interrupted Rumple leaving message to Noura. “I-uh was hoping we could talk.” Moving forward, Belle took a seat next to the table, hoping for anything to break the awkwardness that was filling the air.

“Of course” Rumple went around the table and offered Belle a glass of water. As their fingers brushed against each other Rumple felt his stomach knotting. He and Belle both looked simultaneously at their hands as she took the glass, both well aware of how painful this was.

It was strange how a single light touch could feel so familiar after all this time and with that familiarity all the passion and pain still evident. Rumple quickly walked over to the other side of his work table. “It’s been a long time Belle. I trust you are well, you look well… are you happy to be back?”

It was small talk and that’s all he could muster, and Belle didn’t know how to breach any other subject.  “Thank you, yes. I am glad to be back, I missed so many people…” Belle paused, unsure what to say. “You look really well too Rumple-very happy.”

Rumple nodded quickly. He wasn’t certain if she said this because of Noura, but he needed to set things straight, just in case. “I am happy. It’s been awhile since I have felt anything, and being happy was not something I thought I’d even deserved.”

The last part made Belle’s heart break; she knew she took away his hope. She wanted to protest and tell Rumple he always deserved happiness he just needed to believe in himself.  “I’m glad…”

“Are you?” Rumple said that more harshly than he meant too. Rumple was not sure where his sudden resentment came from. Belle looked at him with disbelief. “Of course Rumple, I only ever wanted you to be…”

Rumple interrupted “The way I see it is that you left, you made a choice and I didn’t blame you. My feelings and happiness were no longer a concern to you…” Rumple started pacing; so many emotions were hitting him at once. “You went to find happiness, to find what you wanted- which wasn’t me, not anymore. I began to think you were never real that or maybe I never was good enough.”

Belle stood feeling anger and anxiousness, ready to back away if things became too heated. “How can you say that?”

“Easily Belle. No one, not Ruby, your father or anyone heard from you. There wasn’t a way we could find out how you were. Were you worried about how I’d react if you had someone new in your life and it was serious? You had said that part of you would always love me, but if I mattered and wasn’t written completely out of your life you would have called. I hoped you would have called.”

“I know, but Rumple I was afraid?’

“Afraid of what?” Rumple leaned over the table the pent up anger he thought he was long past bubbling over.

Belle shirked back, tears of frustration welling up. “I – It’s complicated Rumple, but I’m sorry. “

“I’m not stupid Belle. Of all the things you possibly think of me stupid cannot be one of them.”

“No it’s not, but you don’t understand…”

“You never called, never wrote so how could I?”

Belle didn’t answer, she wasn’t sure what to say and suddenly Rumple was standing next to her, invading her personal space. “Ruby told me Belle. “

“Why would Ruby tell you?”

“Because she has it in her head that you and I should be together and wanted me to know.”

“I didn’t tell her if that’s what you’re angry about...”

“She told me why you were afraid to return, that you feared me.  You didn’t believe I changed; you were afraid I’d become dark again and commit more atrocities. You lost faith in me. Or maybe you just never had any to begin with.” Belle flinched but remained silent. “I deserved your hate and mistrust. I know that Belle, and every night I despised myself more and more for what I’ve done to you. How I broke you. I knew there was nothing I could do to ever repair the damage, you made that clear. But it still hurt Belle. It still hurt to know that I disgusted you so much that you couldn’t even call to let any of us know how you were. I was working on things, muddling through all I’ve done and doing my best to make amends, but you never called to find out. That is when I realized that I lost you for good- that I would never have your love again and I could only blame myself. I earned every bit of pain I was in. Then what happened… I didn’t want to live anymore after I…” The sentence was unfinished, but it hung thick in the air. _Killed you._

Belle never liked how bad Rumple’s self-esteem was, and now seeing him like this, knowing what happened made her reach for him, but Rumple backed away walking around the table. “Then you return and I’m conflicted. It’s not supposed to be this way. You can’t move on and I just sit and wait. That’s what I would have done too Belle- wait for a person that I’ll never be good enough for; that I can’t measure up to the hero you want. I’m not the hero - I’m not the villain - I’m just me. I’m an imperfect man that can’t live up to the expectations of anyone, this is who I am and will always be.”

“Rumple, I was unrealistic I know that now. I took the man I loved –my true love and tried to mold him into what I thought he should be. I was never disgusted and I never hated you. I felt betrayed, but I also know now that you were struggling and I refused to see that. Then as you were becoming the man you always were deep inside I refused to take a chance even though my heart was telling me too. I was hurting, frightened and I know you understand that, and are sorry for it, but I needed to tell you I was sorry as well. I expected you to be able to fight centuries of darkness and never falter. I didn’t see that the darkness made something’s impossible, that you were always a good man; you just needed to believe that. I didn’t understand how the curse worked or truthfully I refused to acknowledge it. I failed our marriage as much as you did, we both needed to work on things. Then I hurt us both by cutting things off completely. “

Rumple stood their silently feeling emotionally drained. He needed both of them to get past this, but he wasn’t certain how. “Now you’re back. And I’m once again feeling like I’m at a crossroads. I don’t want to be there Belle. You once told me that it wasn’t too late to try, but it really was. I knew that deep inside. After I returned to Storybrook I saw that I had lost you, not because you were with Will, but because I knew that I drove you to the point you felt you could never look back. Never have hope for us. That’s when I became part of your past. I realized then I was always unworthy.”

“Rumple, you never were unworthy. I wanted you to see yourself the way I still do. One of our biggest trials was my loving you and you realizing that you were truly worthy of love...”

“How can you say that? I’m still tempted by darkness. I’m still difficult. When my heart became pure I wanted to be a hero, I thought that’s what you wanted. That all I had to be was a hero and we’d be together. After you left I had no purpose, be a hero to people who would prefer me dead? But that at least changed, so I am grateful as my relationship with Henry is all I really have.” Rumple paused for a moment looking at Belle wondering if she already knew. “You do know I am the Dark One again. At first I took it to never be so weak that anyone I loved would be used to force my hand. But I also didn’t have anyone else to protect anymore. Then Henry came to me and asked me to use this new found power to help protect his family when we went to the Underworld. Henry was always on me, like my conscience urging me to stay on the good path when all I wanted to do was let the darkness take hold.”

“I always loved you Rumple, I still do; being the Dark One has no bearing on that. I realize now that I made a lot of mistakes too. It’s never just one person at fault when a marriage fails.”

“You don’t get to do this Belle .You can’t come back into town and want me to pick up where we left off. I don’t want to feel like I will never be good enough.”

“I know Rumple; I wanted you to see how much I’ve grown while I was gone. I understand now my expectations were not realistic. I wish things could be different for us, but regardless of what happens I need you to know that I love you Rumple. That you are the love of my life and I have regrets. I love you and I want you to be happy.”

“I’m happy with Noura.” Rumple had held back tears as he wasn’t certain how to feel at the moment. He didn’t’ want to hurt Belle or Noura and truthfully at this moment he believed both would be better without him. Straightening up Rumple stood and walked over the curtain indicating that she should probably go. “I’m sorry Belle. I truly am. I don’t want you hurting, but talking isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Belle nodded as she walked past Rumple pausing in front of him. “Are we still…do you still love me at all?”

Rumple’s features softened, his eyes filled with tears as he gave Belle a small warm smile. “That will never change Belle. I just don’t think we can be around each other right now. This is too difficult and emotions are still raw.”

Belle reached up and briefly caressed Rumple’s cheek; he flinched slightly before he relaxed. Belle didn’t speak as she left fearing her voice would break.

 

Rumple walked in the back and went instantly to the cabinet taking out the bottle of whiskey. He tried to stop shaking as he poured a drink.

 

Two hours after Belle left Rumple still was nursing the same glass, lost in his thoughts.  Emma and Regina both came in the back, speaking before he even noticed them. Rumple didn’t even seem to be startled by them as he just slowly looked their way.

“Rumple?” Regina saw how miserable he looked and started to get concerned.

He didn’t answer; he knew by the looks on their faces what they were going to say.

“Did either of you talk to him? Does he know about Noura?”

Emma hesitantly placed a folder on the table. “No, we thought that we’d see how you wanted to handle this. I’m sorry Gold. I really …well I.”

“Don’t strain yourself Sheriff Swan.” Rumple was usually good at the snark and sarcasm, but today it was empty.

Emma never thought she’d feel so sad for him. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, I guess I’m going to tell Noura…” Rumple’s voice faded.

“Are you going to be alright? “ Regina asked concerned at Rumple’s lack of emotions.  She looked at Emma almost suggesting they have Henry or David stay and keep Rumple company.

Rumple just shrugged. “Do you want me to be honest?” Rumple didn’t want them to stay, he didn’t want pity, and right now all he wanted to do was drink himself into a stupor. “I’m fine. I just need some time. I am, for Noura’s sake appreciative, but If you don’t mind seeing yourselves out.”

As soon as the door shut Rumple used magic to keep it locked and downed his drink, immediately pouring himself another.


	9. What Still Remains

 

At first the pounding was faint, but as he started to stir it became obvious that it wasn’t part of a dream. Rumple was disoriented for a moment and then realized he had passed out on the cot in his shop.  Rumple had not touched a drink in months and it had been even longer since he was binge drinking and found in Zelena’s cellar passed out in the cage she had kept him in.

He heard the pounding again this time followed with a muffled voice. _Noura!_  Rumple had been so frustrated with the events yesterday that he forgot to call Noura back. He walked as fast as his hung-over body would take him to go unlock the door. His hands felt numb from having slept on them causing him to fumble with the lock.  As Rumple opened the door immediately giving Noura an apologetic look, but he could tell that it was too late. The hurt, annoyance and frustration were written all over her face.

Walking past him Noura motioned him to lock the door again.  “Well seeing how terrible you look this morning I’m assuming you had just as bad a night as I did.” Noura could be as good at hiding her emotions as he was, but as much as she tried she couldn’t bring herself keep her emotions inside.

Rumple nodded as he reached to give her a hug. “I’m so sorry Noura. I just – something happened and I didn’t handle it as well as I should have - I ended up drinking too much.”

Noura stiffened her lip giving a curt nod unable to return the hug. She walked into the back room with Rumple following behind her. Clenching her fists Noura wasn’t certain if she needed to sit or stand for this conversation. She chose the latter. “It’s something we need to talk about isn’t it? Is it Belle? – I’m not blind to the fact that she is your true love after all even if…”

“No, well I mean I did speak to Belle yesterday and it didn’t go as well as I wished.”  Rumple’s words were hurried as he tried to regain what he felt slipping away. He knew what had to be done, but he didn’t want things to end the way they seemed to be headed.  Rumple moved towards Noura hoping to take her hand and give her some comfort; instead she backed away. “Her and I can’t fix things and don’t plan to if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He could tell by the look on Noura’s face that she was confused and hurt by something he just said.  “Noura, I meant that even if Belle and I could fix our relationship I wouldn’t leave you. We didn’t talk about fixing things; we attempted to clear up some unfinished issues between us. The outcome wasn’t good. True love can’t change how much damage I caused.”

“I don’t know what to think at the moment. Part of me is convinced that we’re both fooling ourselves. That yes we can be content and happy with each other, but Belle is where your heart lies and that cannot change. The other part wants me to fight - be angry and prove that we can make things work together.”

“Noura – it’s not that. I assure you my heart doesn’t know what’s best for it. However I do need to talk to you.”

Noura held back her tears understanding what he just said it even if he didn’t realize it. Rumple’s heart could never belong to her no matter how much they tried. And Noura knew he meant it when he said he wanted to give her his heart, his love.  Resigned Noura shook her head gathering the courage to leave. “I don’t believe there’s anything else to say Rumple. – I love you and I know you love me in a certain way. But it’s changed now and I don’t want to be crushed when you finally realize that you cannot fight your heart. – I think I need to go.”

Rumple walked towards her with an attempt to stop her.  “Noura wait! – It’s not about Belle, it’s about Kian.”

Noura turned so fast that she lost her balance. Rumple caught her arm and slowly sat Noura and him on the cot. 

“What? Why would you bring Kian up?” Noura whispered feeling her body starting to shake at hearing her husband’s name.

Taking her hands in his Rumple rubbed them hoping to find the words he needed.  “I was trying to find the right way to tell you Noura. – Kian’s alive. “

Noura was unable to speak; she could only stare at Rumple trying to process what he was telling her.

Rumple felt it was best to start at the beginning to help Noura with this. “A few days ago Henry realized that a teacher at the high school resembled your husband from his fairy tale book.  – I didn’t want to say anything – I needed to know first.”  Rumple reached for her face; caressing her cheeks as tear started to flow. “Emma and Regina both looked into this. Apparently he came over during the second curse. I’m sorry Noura – I wanted to be certain. I was afraid of your heart being crushed if we were wrong.  I realize now that I made a mistake that I didn’t tell you immediately. “

Rumple looked at Noura earnestly so afraid he had hurt her by withholding this from her.

Noura reached over and hugged Rumple tightly, burying her face on his chest as she cried. Rumple wrapped his arms tightly around her and rocked her gently whispering how sorry he was.

Noura shook her head as she looked up to him. Her face now red and swollen from crying Noura smiled and gave Rumple a kiss on his cheek.  “No Rumple...” So overcome with emotions Noura has trouble speaking.  “You were protecting me – I see that.  That explains much…” Looking into Rumple’s eyes Noura realized that the reason for his distance, him not taking her to bed and much of his behavior was for this. Because he did care for her so much that he put her heart above his own, and Noura could see his heartbreaking a bit for it.  She cupped his face and brought her lips to his.  “I don’t know what to do. – I‘m confused - frightened. I’m not sure I can do this or want to. I can’t switch gears and go from loving you to running back to – he’s been dead Rumple. In my mind I moved on. “

“When you are ready we’ll go see him. He doesn’t know that you are here. So it may be best to have you both informed and meet at a location.” Rumple pulled away for a moment to get a better look at Noura. “I know you’re frightened, but as Henry would say - he’s your true love. It’s not easy and no one is asking you to just run off. Least of all me, but the fact remains that he is alive. - And you both deserve to meet and figure this out. You need to adjust to the thought and when you are ready I can take you – or we can think of something. That is if you still want me to help.”

Noura nodded and stood somewhat unsteadily.  Rumple followed suit and placed his hand in hers. “Let me drive you home Noura. This is overwhelming and I don’t want you driving.”

Turning her head slightly Noura glanced at Rumple. “Can you take me to your place? I know you need rest as well and I’d really like to just be held by you for a while as I sort this out.”

A sad smile crossed Rumple’s face. He felt hollow, but couldn’t deny her this comfort even if he knew that eventually she’d leave.  “If you’d like I’ll take us home - make us tea and then we can both pull ourselves together and figure this all out.”

 

 

Snow came in to the diner and immediately saw Belle at the counter looking very distracted. Her elbow was on the counter as her head leaned slightly being held up by her hand. Belle casually played with her tea cup with the other hand; lost in thought.

“Hey Belle...” Snow said as she took a seat next to her.  “Are you alright?”

“I don’t know Snow. I feel lost right now.” Belle looked around briefly hoping it would just be the two of them. “I spoke with Rumple yesterday. It didn’t go well.  – It’s not that I expect him back. I do love him. I just wish that – “

“I get it Belle – I do. You both are in a rough place.” Snow paused not sure about revealing the rest.  “I wish I could say something to help.”

Belle turned towards Snow grateful for a friend. “Thank you Snow. I wish something could be said or done as well. I didn’t want us to end like this.”

Snow placed her hand on Belle’s. “I know Belle. We all can see that you love him and I know he still loves you. Even if he’s with Noura there are certain things that reveal a lot to someone who is looking.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have Astrid take you to your old house.  Its bittersweet the way Astrid takes care of the place. Your belongings – everything is as if you still lived there and at any moment you’d be home again to take up residence. He’s has her take special care of your chipped cup. It’s treated as the most valuable item he owns.”

Belle felt tears prickling. “I don’t understand. He’s with Noura – why would he hold on to all of those items after I left? If he didn’t think I was coming back and moved on…”

Snow nodded as she again placed her hand on Belle’s. “You know the story Belle. He’s suffered a lot. Do some investigation Belle. When he returned he was lost.  They had searched everywhere for him.  They went to Neal’s grave and knew he has been there. They found his wedding ring on the gravestone along with Neal’s shawl. When asked about that later on Rumplestiltskin told David that he didn’t have a right to any memories of either of you.  – He was drinking heavily. They found him in the cage Zelena kept him in believing he was no better than an animal for what he had done.”  Snow paused knowing that Belle had heard most of this already, but not sure if she understood  why Rumple’s walls were so high now. “He had a breakdown Belle.  He was drinking all the time. We hardly ever saw him sober. He wasn’t coping. It wasn’t until David and Henry got Archie involved that it started to change. “

Belle wasn’t sure what to do; this information just confused her more. “I don’t know Snow if I …”

Snow stopped her midsentence. “Go to the house Belle. Archie had Rumple keep notes of what he felt. He had him write you letters so he could remember you were alive. That he didn’t cause your death. I know this because David had to take him back to his other place a few times when he was too drunk to move. He shared some of those letters with David during his worst and most difficult moments. – After a time when Rumple was in a good place and no longer needed the journal to write to you he had Astrid place it in your bedroom.”

“I don’t think Rumple would want me to read those.”

“Belle, they were letters to you. They were _meant_ for you. It helped him get to the place he is now – it might help you as well.”


	10. Silver Springs

> You could be my silver springs
> 
> Blue green colors flashin'
> 
> I would be your only dream
> 
> Your shining autumn, ocean crashing
> 
> And did you say she was pretty
> 
> And did you say that she loves you
> 
> Baby, I don't wanna know
> 
>  
> 
> I'll begin not to love you
> 
> Turn around, see me runnin'
> 
> I'll say I loved you years ago
> 
> Tell myself you never loved me, no
> 
> And did you say she was pretty
> 
> And did you say that she loves you
> 
> Baby, I don't wanna know
> 
> Oh, no
> 
> And can you tell me was it worth it
> 
> Really, I don't wanna know
> 
>  
> 
> Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
> 
> I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
> 
> Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
> 
> I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
> 
> I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you
> 
> was I such a fool?
> 
> You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you
> 
>  
> 
> You could be my silver springs
> 
> My blue green colors flashin'

If Belle ever wondered why Rumple never returned to the house after what happened in the Underworld those questions died immediately upon entering.  She felt a heavy air of despair and sadness as soon as she entered. If a house can be considered alive than this one felt dead and forbidding.  The house was as sad as it was eerie; as if the house was holding onto the ghosts of the past to show that happiness once resided here.  It eerie part was how clean everything was. Two years of emptiness, but still expecting that someone would return shortly or more like hoping; it was bittersweet for Belle.

Belle shook off the feeling, walking first through the living room and kitchen. “It’s almost like the house is expecting someone to return to it. - Pleading for someone to return to it.” Astrid broke Belle’s inner thoughts.

“Yes, it feels sad and lonely. I can’t even say what it is, but I feel uneasy like I’m going to let the house down when I leave it. However at the same time I feel like I’m trespassing. I don’t even know how that is possible. “

“You may find it funny, but I actually talk to the house when I’m here cleaning. As if it needs the sound of life or it will … “Astrid shrugged not really knowing what to say about how the house made her feel. “Anyway you look around I’m going to do a little dusting downstairs. We can go whenever you’re ready.”

Belle nodded as she left the kitchen and walked down the hall towards the stairs. She looked up hesitating not sure if she really wanted to see what was upstairs. _Do the brave thing I always say don’t I?_

Belle slowly ascended the stairs looking at the pictures on the wall. She stopped at one – the only one that was of Rumple, Baelfire, Henry, Emma and her. Snow took it immediately after they returned from Neverland so the “Stiltskin’s” as she put it would have a photo of their family.  Belle’s heart sank at recalling the brief moment when everyone was happy if they only knew that this one day would be all they would ever have. All Rumple would ever have with everyone who loved him. Rumple’s heart would continue to dissolve and break from that moment on never getting a reprieve from the loss of his son, or loneliness and heartache that continued to follow. The tears fell freely Belle didn’t even bother to wipe her cheeks. She knew as she continued that she would feel worse.

She walked into the master bedroom and saw that it looked much the same as always. The bed was made, the color scheme, everything much the way it had always been. She noticed however next to the window encased in glass was the chipped cup. It was placed on a pedestal that would tell anyone that saw it that it was the centerpiece of the bedroom. The most important item and it needed its own place.  Belle walked over to it and was about to take the cup from the glass when she saw the closet was slightly open. Tilting her head in a curious expression Belle walked over and opened the closet fully.

All her clothes and shoes were there. None smelling musty or looking worn by time. They were cleaned and ready for her to just pick the outfit that she’d start her day with. “He never threw any of my items away.” Belle said with an air of wonderment. Realizing the reason why he did this Belle started to also understand why the house felt so haunted. “Keeping my clothes clean and ready would give hope that I’d return and help remind him that I was gone - not dead.”

It was two days ago that Snow had mentioned the letters and Belle finally worked up the nerve to go with Astrid to the house, but she still unsure on whether or not she’d read them. Now Belle knew she had too.

Belle went to the nightstand and saw inside a strongbox that wasn’t locked. Taking it out she found the letters; at least fifteen of them neatly inside unsealed envelopes addressed to:

  ** _Belle ~~Gold~~ -French: Anywhere US._**

Belle looked through them until she found the first. It was stained and had watermarks on it. Did Rumple cry as he wrote this? She looked at the writing; it was his if still looking like it was written by a shaking hand – _possibly a drunk hand?_

**_My Darling Belle,_ **

**_Dr. Hopper insisted this would help. I don’t see how. It is pointless as you will never see this. However Charming and Henry won’t get off my back. Said I need to do this to remind myself of the truth._ **

**_We came back from the Underworld a few weeks ago. They searched for me. Why the hell couldn’t they just leave me be? I have never been anything to anyone and was perfectly content to stay in my cage spinning and forgetting._ **

**_I don’t care what they tell me. You’re gone, Bae is gone and it’s my fault. All of this is my doing._ **

**_Mine!_ **

The next few letters were as short and read the same; anger, despair, denial. Belle was picturing Rumple in her head - possibly drunk still trying to reconcile his guilt over killing her and Bae in the Underworld to the truth. 

It wasn’t until the sixth letter that she could see his hand writing looked improved. Possibly no longer drinking; it was dated weeks after the first one.

 

**_~~My Darling~~ _ ** **_Belle,_ **

**_I can’t call you that anymore. Archie has been trying to get me to accept that I am no longer yours – and you are no longer mine._ **

**_Archie told me I needed to this from the beginning. I don’t know how Belle. I am frightened._ **

**_Writing you is supposed to help remind myself that you’re still alive. Every night I am haunted and it starts all over again. How can I know that you really are alive?_ **

**_I went to Bae’s grave after we came back. I tried to remember that he died by Zelena’s hand not mine._ **

**_It’s not the truth. I killed him, just as I killed you. It may not have happened in the Underworld, but your love for me is dead._ **

**_David tells me that staying in the Underworld wouldn’t have been a choice. That it wasn’t real; it wasn’t really you or Bae – that it was fake. How is this different? My reality is to live and pretend that I’m not dead inside, pretend that I had love once. Nowhere is it written that everyone is meant to be loved._ **

**_Rumple._ **

Belle read the next few - Rumple’s confessions of being frightened, his continuing nightmares of having killed her and Bae even though his knew logically that it wasn’t them. Then they changed to anger. Anger at needing to see Archie; anger at Henry and David for meddling with his life; anger at Belle for leaving and never giving a word on how she was. Anger at himself for not feeling in control; his nightmares, his want for a drink, his inability to set foot into their home.

 

**_Belle,_ **

**_I made progress- I stopped calling you darling and sweetheart. It would make you uncomfortable to read such romantic terms of endearment from your former spouse._ **

**_Archie tells me I am moving forward – that this is a good step._ **

**_My temper seems to have not improved however as I destroyed my shop again for the second time in as many weeks._ **

**_I haven’t been tempted to drink and my nightmares are not appearing as often. I have started to find coping strategies. “You’re not dead; I didn’t kill you. You’re not dead.” I say that under my breath still. It’s become a mantra when I feel everything closing in._ **

**_I miss you terribly. Hating you is not possible - I just can’t, but I’ve tried. If I could hate you – find a reason to blame you then maybe I wouldn’t love you so much._ **

**_If I could hear from you, know you were alright…please Belle. Every night I whisper for you to come home, even if not to me._ **

**_The house will always be ready in case._ **

**_Love Always,_ **

**_Rumple_ **

The pattern was the same as before Belle noticed. Rumple going through stages of anger, and now acceptance. One letter would be of his love and devotion; pleading with her to return and all he would offer her if she did. The next would be filled with anger and then apologies for all he destroyed.  Belle noted that the difference was that the anger turned towards her and mostly him. He seemed to be more open and happy about seeing Archie and would talk briefly about David and the others. The subject changed to his involvement in getting the town in order and his love for his grandson Henry who seemed to be the motivation for Rumple to work through this.

The last three letters were dated farther apart; the last being dated five months before her return. 

 

**_Dear Belle,_ **

**_I hope you are happy and finding the adventure you always dreamed of. You are missed here by everyone, me included._ **

**_Are you with anyone? I don’t want to pry or appear jealous. You are beautiful and so full of life that I cannot imagine you alone - I want you happy and I know that it cannot be with me._ **

**_Even after the darkness was gone I understand now that I destroyed too much for us to be together._ **

**_That being said I have a confession. David has been for weeks trying to get me to go on a date. He told me it was time. Her name is Noura, she had been a great help in the rebuilding of Storybrook. She is nice - you’d like her I think._ **

**_I enjoyed myself for the first time in longer than I can remember._ **

**_I am not sure I want to see her again. She’s not you. With every fiber of my being I can never belong to another. I wouldn’t want too._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Rumple_ **

The next Belle read she could see the shakiness in the writing. Rumple obviously bothered by his actions.

 

**_Belle,_ **

**_Noura went home. As soon as she did I broke down - I cheated on you._ **

**_I need to be able to move on Belle._ **

**_Why can’t I move on and kiss another let alone take them to bed without feeling shame? Did you feel that way with Will? I tell myself that it wasn’t easy for you, that you still struggled as I am now. But then the darker parts of me remind myself that you said he made you happy and that it had only been a few weeks. The darkness reminds me that no one can love me and that is why it was so easy and quick for you. I know that’s not the truth sweetheart please forgive me._ **

**_A memory erasing potion may work, but I am sure that I’d be advised against it._ **

****

**_Belle, I’m sorry I didn’t finish the above._ **

**_It’s funny you won’t see these, but it still matters._ **

**_Anyway I let this go for a week so I could sort through these emotions._ **

**_I like her. I’m afraid of ruining things. Ruining things with her or you?_ **

**_The only way to get past you is for me to know you’ll never be back._ **

**_Can someone be happy and still keep their heart from being touched?_ **

**_Cora did that literally. If I never put love into the equation I can be happy; be content._ **

**_Rumple_ **

****

Belle grabbed that last letter. It was the only one that was sealed.

 

**_Belle,_ **

**_This will be my last letter. I’ve done this too long and need to move forward. Writing you can only take me so far. I was foolish to ever hope, but being the fool is something I have always been good at._ **

**_The answer has been in front of me all along. I am happy now -no longer feeling that pain, guilt, regret or heartbreak. Noura deserves someone who is not clinging onto the past – waiting for a love that will never come home. She also had True Love once and was able to carry on._ **

**_Don’t assume the worst sweetheart. I am just doing my best to shield myself from all emotions regarding you. I cannot have them clouding me any longer. Understand that all my life I have wanted love only to never have it stay or returned. I have a chance for it now, but in order for me to grasp it I need to move on from what I still feel for you._ **

**_I am writing this as a goodbye. I never thought I’d say that. I wish the best for you always and hope that you have found your happy ending._ **

**_Rumple_ **

By the time Belle had finished that last letter she was sitting on the floor with her back against the bed. She was clinging to a pillow that was now soaked with tears.  

At some point Astrid must have called Leroy to help her bring Belle home. Nothing was said as they drove home. Realizing that Belle was drained and needed to process all she discovered while at her old residence. Ruby was waiting for her at Granny’s with some tea – knowing that Belle just needed a friend for when she was ready to talk.

 

 

It took a little more than a day for Noura to come to terms with the fact that Kian was alive.  Rumple drove Noura to the park and walked over to a bench. The agreed upon spot that they would meet Kian. Emma had told Kian the same day that Rumple told Noura about the other being alive. Kian was anxious to see his wife, but understood she needed a day or more.

Nothing was said between Noura and Rumple during the car ride. They both knew where this would lead for them. Neither actually said goodbye to the other, but Rumple had spent the last two days holding Noura and offering her comfort. The parting of ways was inevitable. The ironic part was that Rumple finally had worked up the nerve to tell Noura that he loved her, but was now grateful that the words were never spoken.  It was selfish, but he didn’t want her to know that he was ready to give her his heart.

“Do you want me to stay until Kian arrives?  I can go if that will be easier.” Rumple didn’t sit on the bench even as Noura made room.

Noura didn’t speak only looking up at Rumple with worry. Rumple put on a good face hoping that his smiles would help her relax. Bending down her took her hand. “Noura – you will be fine. Everything is how it should be.”

“What about you Rumple, will you be…? “

“Me?” Rumple gave a small laugh. “There’s no reason to worry about me. Noura this is your chance to rekindle things with your true love. It’s alright that I am no longer part of your life. I promise you I will be fine.”

As Rumple was about to kiss her hand he saw Kian walking towards them.  “Noura he’s here.” Noura turned to see Kian, but felt too weak to stand. Rumple gently placed his hand on her shoulder to calm her.

Kian stopped a couple of feet away from the two looking at Noura in awe. Rumple gave a small nod to Noura and proceeded to walk to Kian. “I will leave you two alone.” Rumple looked at Noura one last time smiling happily for her trying his best to keep tears inside. “Good bye - Noura.”

Just as he was about to leave Kian stopped him and reached out to shake his hand. “Mr. Gold I am told that you have played a big part in reuniting us. For that I am ever thankful. “

Rumple nodded feeling he was now intruding on them and wanting nothing more than to get away. “Take care of her Mr. Selehi.”


	11. Unexpected Visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how late this story took to update. I also any typos ,etc you may see. I worked on it this morning and wanted to post it before it was too late. I'm exhausted so I will fix any errors later. Hope you enjoy

“– Grandpa are you listening to me?” Henry knew he his grandfather wasn’t listening. Rumple would nod and give some distracted answer in response to anything Henry was talking about. It has been two weeks since Noura left and his grandfather has not been social with anyone.  He would often come to the shop with bloodshot eyes and stayed in the back being short with anyone that came to visit. However there was no indication that his grandfather had started drinking again, but Henry still wanted to draw him out of this mood. Finally starting to understand his grandfather the past year Henry didn’t want to lose the connection. Rumple may call himself a coward, others like Hook would say the same, but Henry really knew it wasn’t the case. Rumple didn’t see himself as strong or good –The fact that his grandfather knew his failings and readily admitted them made him strong and self-aware. It wasn’t a weakness or cowardice, it was human - and all humans have failings. Henry had argued this with his mother – she shown weakness as the Dark One, as did Hook. Hook let the darkness take complete control almost immediately when he became the Dark One. Rumple however took centuries before the darkness started to win out. It took some time, but as always Henry proved to his family that his grandfather was just as good or bad as everyone else in the family. This is why Henry stuck so closely to his grandfather. He loved him and understood his heartache because he missed his dad as much. And he wouldn’t let Rumple think that everyone would eventually leave.  Noura left, it was the right thing to do, but he saw his grandfather’s heartbreak.  Just as he saw his heartbreak with Belle- and with everything in the Underworld -he worried that his grandfather would falter and somehow think himself a failure again because he might be tempted. “Grandpa!” Henry called out louder this time breaking Rumple out of his thoughts.

Rumple looked up quickly at Henry. Realizing his grandson had been talking and he had heard a single word. “Oh Henry – I’m sorry. I –uh – What were you saying?” Rumple’s inner turmoil was present long before he brought Noura and Kian back together. It seemed to take all his concentration to fight getting lost in thoughts of loneliness, Noura, Bae and mostly of Belle.

Henry set down the polish he had been cleaning with and walked closer to Rumple. “I mentioned that I was going to head to Granny’s for lunch. Did you want me to bring anything back?”

Rumple stared at Henry for a moment. Rumple inwardly scolded himself – he knew he should go with Henry and be part of the family. However a bigger part wanted to just drown his sorrows with some very good scotch. He settled for the middle. “I could go for an iced tea – and possibly a hamburger. As long as you don’t mind bringing that back with you?”

“I suppose I can’t convince you to come with me? This is no problem Grandpa – I’m happy to do it.” Henry knew it was stretching and just this little bit of effort on his grandfather’s part was great, but he still wanted Rumple to not dwell on things. What Henry really wanted was for his grandparents to get back together, but that would take time if it was even possible. He’d figure a way to get them at least in the same room.

“I’ll bow out this time Henry, but I’ll tell you what. – I’ll go to Regina’s dinner on Friday if you can finish the cataloging by the end of the week.” Rumple’s tone had a bit of humor to it and the smirk he gave Henry was a challenge.

“You have a deal Grandpa!” With that Henry was enthusiastic as he left Granny’s.

Rumple contemplated for a moment that he may have underestimated what Henry could accomplish in the next few days.  He would need to keep his promise and with that thought he let out a nervous breath. Rumple wanted to tell Henry to go and leave him alone, but Henry had such faith in him, such love –Rumple honestly didn’t understand why.  As much as he wanted to push Henry away before he’d smarten up and throw Rumple out of his life permanently he couldn’t. Henry gave him a small about of hope. Hope that Rumple could be the man he wanted to be, have the family and love he missed so much.  Could he afford to hope? – That was something Rumple wasn’t certain of.

 

Almost immediately after Henry left Rumple heard the bell on the door and a voice he hadn’t heard for a long while called out for him.

“Rumplestiltskin – are you here?” Moe’s voice boomed through the shop.

Rumple was curious as to why his former father in law would be paying him a visit.  Making his way to the front he saw Moe looking at some items in on top of the display case. “Belle’s not here – if you are looking for her.” Why else would Moe be here, they were never friends – only on good terms for Belle’s sake, but other than that Moe would never pay him a visit unless he wanted to be certain that he was staying away from Belle.

“She’s at Granny’s – I met her for an early lunch. I wanted to talk with you.” Moe’s demeanor was unsettling. He seemed contrite and honest in his desire to talk to Rumple.

Rumple walked behind the counter giving space between Moe and himself. “Well then - what can I do for you?”

“First Belle didn’t send me. I wanted to talk to you in case you were thinking to reconcile with my daughter.” The usual uneasiness was absent from Moe’s voice. He met Rumple’s eyes and looked at him with determination, as Rumple met the look back with confusion and exasperation.

 “Does everyone already know of my breakup with Noura?” Rumple muttered not needing an answer for that question. “To answer your question - I have not thought to reconcile with Belle. There’s too much damage, so if it eases your mind – Belle is safe from me.” Rumple’s tone was a bit harsh- almost snarling those last words, but there could be no other reason for Moe to see him.

Raising his hands defensively Moe walked closer to Rumple.  “Rumplestiltskin – you do not understand the reason for my visit. Can I have a moment to explain?” He saw Rumple was about to dismiss him, but Moe was not going to back down.

Rumple just motioned his hand for Moe to continue. Not sure he was going to give anything Moe had to say much thought.

“We’ve had our differences in the past Gold, but there’s one thing you and I do see eye to eye on and that is Belle’s happiness.  I had a difficult time accepting that you were her true love.  – But I did accept it. I forgave all your past deeds and even after you two broke up I promised that I would never rescind on what I forgave you for.  It wouldn’t make me a very good person to take back that which I offered. I’m not in the habit of opening old wounds that have been healed, so this is not about that - nor am I in the habit of wanting to reach out. “Moe paused seeing that he had Rumple’s attention now. “Everything that has happened since you two were married has been difficult to watch as a father.  Seeing Belle’s heart crushed.”  Moe left that hanging in the air between them for a moment. Also well aware that Rumple gave belle what she needed to venture out and discover the world, a world that didn’t include Rumple. “When Belle returned I refrained from talking about you. I didn’t want my opinion to influence her – not that it would. Belle’s has always had her own mind. I could see that she still loved you and regretted staying away. I also have been aware of what happened in the Underworld, and how you fought.  So if she did ask me what I thought I’d tell her that you were a man deserving of her love.  You have fought back the darkness. It may have taken you longer, but in the end you won where a weaker man would have given into the darkness easier.  -  What I’m trying to say is that I would not disapprove if you and Belle reconciled. - You are a man worthy of her.”

Rumple had not expected that.  Rumple never cared for Moe’s opinion, but this approval felt like he was surely sleeping. He looked at Moe with confusion unable to believe that Moe would want them together.  “Why?  - Why would you want us together? Certainly you’d rather see Belle with another man. “

“It’s not for me to decide who I want Belle with. I wanted her with Gaston once and that choice would not have made her happy. I truly believe that you are the only man that will ever make Belle completely happy. Even before all this when the two of you were married I saw the love you held for her. It was deeper than I thought a man like you could feel…” The bell rang announcing that Henry had returned. Moe prepared to leave. “Gold – The greatest love can also cause the greatest pain, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. – Just don’t shut the door. You’ll have no trouble from me.”

Rumple nodded not sure what to say and feeling somewhat uncomfortable at the conversation.  He felt himself falter for a moment. They didn’t work out and he had done too much. Why couldn’t people see that and just let him move on? Encourage Belle to move on. As he watched Moe leave he was aware of Henry eyeing him.  “What did Mr. French want?”

“Apparently for me to keep the door open for reconciling with Belle.” Rumple shrugged still staring at the door that Moe just exited. He didn’t want to look at Henry. Rumple knew what Henry would say.

As Henry unpacked the lunches he looked at his grandfather. He saw the turmoil and mixed feelings on this. “Grandpa, I know it’s too soon, but perhaps he’s right. I know you believe it’s too late for you and Belle. - Maybe after you’ve healed you might find yourself ready?”

Henry said this quietly. Hoping that his grandfather would finally see that he deserves happiness – and that happiness was with Belle.

Rumple didn’t look at Henry as he shook his head –disagreeing with the possibility Henry mentioned. It was too late, but Rumple was not in the mood or ready to argue with all of Storybrooke over this. With his mood darkening he grabbed his lunch and stormed through the back his mannerisms indicating that he did not want to be disturbed.

X0x0x0x

 

Belle was in her normal booth reading. Her father left and she promised she’d finished her hamburger, but instead it was off to the side getting cold.  The past few weeks she had heard the big story thanks to Leroy - which Rumple and Noura broke up. Noura returned to her husband - well the husband she didn’t know was still alive.  As much as Belle wanted to ask about Rumple and go and speak with him she figured he’d need time and wouldn’t push things. The last thing Belle wanted was another meeting that was as disastrous as the last one.

Belle was aware of feet approaching her booth and thinking it was Ruby was about to ask for more Iced tea, but as she looked up she saw Noura looking very hesitant at Belle. “Noura? - is there something you need?”

“Belle - may I have a seat?” Noura didn’t wait for an answer she took the seat opposite of Belle and lowered her voice, not wanting an audience to hear the conversation.  “Sorry for bothering you - I was hoping you’d have a moment.” Belle didn’t respond either way so Noura took that as an agreement for her to continue. “It’s about Rumple- and well -you.  As you may have heard Rumple and I are no longer together.”

Before Noura could continue Belle set her book down and protested. “I assure you Noura that I had nothing to do with that. Rumple made it very clear that he had no wish to reconcile or to hurt you in anyway. I’m sorry that you are not together, but I don’t see how this concerns me – especially since you are now reunited with your _true love_.” Belle was defensive and not willing to let Noura blame her for anything relating to their breakup. After all Belle had no idea how Rumple learned that Kian was still alive and it wasn’t because of any plan on her part.

She wanted to do this for Rumple as much as Noura did not like Belle. “Kian was alive and in Storybrooke and Rumple did what he could to reunite us. He told me how it all came about and I was not worried that you had any part in it.” Noura tried to sound convincing that Belle never was a threat to her and Rumple’s relationship, however Noura’s expression gave away her insecurities. Once Belle came back she knew they were doomed, it wasn’t something she needed to acknowledge to Belle. “Rumple was torn he admitted about telling me. He wanted to believe we could work out - but he also knew that as much as I loved him. Kian was my first love – my true love. It was very selfless and no doubt it caused Rumple some heartbreak - though not to the level of losing your true love.”

That comment did go past Belle. She was ready to make a remark but Noura continued. “I’m not here to cause problems or to insult you. I’m here for Rumple’s sake.”  Noura paused not certain she wanted to do this. Hesitating Noura wasn’t sure she could trust Belle with Rumple’s heart. He had been strong, but Noura knew how fragile he was after the Underworld from all the stories David and the others told her.  Did Belle know? Would she care for him and not turn her back the moment he falters? Noura wanted to ask, but decided that Rumple needed this more than she needed to protect him. It wasn’t her place any longer and Noura would need to trust that Belle’s love was strong enough now. “Rumple means the world to me. I don’t think you understand how much I want to see him happy. It’s been difficult to lose someone you have such feelings for even though you are reunited with your true love. – I knew long before you came back to town that I was fighting against a ghost. Rumple loves you so much that I think he loses sight of his own needs to make certain you are happy. -  They don’t always go hand in hand. Rumple was so willing to give up anything for me that I can only assume that when he was with you he was willing to do even more.  He was a good man – he was just as war with the darkness. Now he’s still a good man but there’s a different darkness he fights.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you are telling me, Noura. You certainly don’t seem to approve of me.” Belle tried very hard to stay polite, but to feel like her love, her trust when it comes to Rumple and a relationship with him was being questioned was annoying. Noura didn’t know anything about her and Belle would not be judged. “I don’t know what exactly you’re implying Noura – but if you’re no longer in the picture anything that develops again between Rumple and myself is not your business. – First you know nothing of how I feel. You say that Rumple still loves me, but you warn me about hurting him. If Rumple were to decide to give us another chance then it’s between us. - Not you - not anyone gets to decide where our relationship takes us.”

Sighing Noura fixed Belle with a steely glare - this was not going well. “Rumple loves you even if he doesn’t want to admit it and he wants to be with you. It’s obvious. I want him happy and if you are the one then so be it.” Noura’s face was burning red now, she really wanted to like Belle but she couldn’t. “Stop acting like everything is solely your decision. I am allowed to care and be concerned for Rumple. It may ultimately be his choice to go back to you and that isn’t up to me, but I can still want to see him loved and cared for. – I know he can be difficult. – My fear is that the moment things get tough that he’ll be alone - that you will stop fighting for him.”

“Is that why you are here? You want me to fight for him, but at the same time you are wary of my feelings – my intentions. What will I need to fight if you’re not in the picture anymore?” Belle was trying desperately to cool down. She was fidgeting with her napkin twisting it tighter and tighter.

“Rumple - you are fighting him. He doesn’t want to put his foot in the water for fear he’ll drown. I’m not saying he never hurt you- or that you shouldn’t have taken time for yourself, but Rumple is also hurt. He’ll never be the man you may expect him to be. The man he is now is who you should love.” 

As Noura finished both she and Belle just stared at each other.  An uncomfortable silence between them as the other waited for a response. Both unaware that Henry had arrived to pick up lunch and was watching them ready to come to Belle’s defense if needed.

Belle was the first to break the silence. “So really this comes down to you believing that I won’t love the man Rumple is? That somehow I expect him to be something unattainable? Can I share a few things with you? “Belle sat up; straightening her shoulders “I fell in love with Rumple when he was the Dark One. Not only had he been living for centuries with this curse but dwelling in loneliness and believing himself unlovable. I know the man he has always been. I’ve seen that man give so much of himself for me. He told me once that I made him want to be the best version of himself. He sacrificed his life for me. –I realize that you care for him and I’m grateful that he had someone to care about him. But excuse me Noura – for you to imply that I am unable to love the man he is when I loved him at his worse is presumptuous.”

Taken aback by Belle’s outburst Noura quietly nodded and stood to leave. “It is rude on my part.  Perhaps I am jealous - I don’t know you. I know others care for you. I know you are Rumple’s true love, but I saw him when he felt he lost everything. I was there. I saw his family pull him out from the drinking, the darkness he was creating in believing he killed you and Bae.” Noura gave a wary smile to Belle, holding out her hand. “I wasn’t there when you were together – so I can’t judge.  All I know is that of all the people there for him when he came back from the Underworld you were not one of them.  – So allow me to start over.”  Belle nodded taking Noura’s hand as the offering of peace it was meant to be.  “Belle – Rumple loves you. He needs you even though he may not admit it. I’m asking that you don’t give up on him, on the possibility that the two of you can fix things and find each other again”

Before Belle could reply Noura took her purse and walked away.  Neither seeing Henry leave the diner ahead of Noura.

 

Xoxoxox

 

Henry didn’t want to be nosy, but he felt the need to help his grandfather too overwhelming. Before he left the diner he heard bits and pieces of Belle and Noura’s conversation. He tried to understand where Noura was coming from, but he felt she was being too harsh on Belle.  Belle loved his grandfather- more than Noura ever could.  Henry knew Noura cared and he liked her, but when Belle came back he had hoped he’d see his grandfather and Belle reunite.

As he made his way back to the shop Henry grabbed his phone and called his mom.  “Hey mom – I need to ask you a favor. Can you invite Belle to our dinner on Friday? – Yes, I know grandpa will be there, but I need you to trust me. – Thanks mom – love you too.”

Henry‘s smile changed to confusion as he saw Moe standing inside the shop speaking to Rumple. As Moe left Henry saw the look of bewilderment on his grandfather’s face.  Henry had his work cut out for him if he wanted Rumple and Belle together.


	12. Therapy and the Dark One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to write. I’m stressed at home so inspiration is not easy. Plus II’m not feeling really angsty which is a requirement for this story..lol I have however decided to finish this one and the one with Marie up and then I will return to the other two stories I have. thanks for reading!

Belle felt the sting of tears as Noura left the table. Trying to keep her composure Belle opened her book and pretended to read. Taking some deeps breaths to keep from shaking the pages of her book now stained from her teardrops.

Suddenly Belle felt a hand on her shoulder giving her a squeeze. Glancing up she saw Archie looking concerned.

“May I sit Belle?” Archie’s voice very gentle as he took the seat across from Belle, the one that Noura had just vacated.  Belle’s eyes were red as she nodded, but was too overcome that she couldn’t speak.

“I saw Noura outside. Should I assume that something took place between the two of you?” Archie kept his voice soothing and low so as not to bring unwanted attention to their table. “I must say I haven’t seen that temper of hers in sometime.”

Belle looked up giving Archie a confused look.  “The way everyone speaks of her - having a temper is the last thing I would associate with Noura.”

Archie shrugged. “Rumplestiltskin mentioned it once during sessions. – And I saw it once while I was walking Pongo on the docks. However, I’m here for you Belle. Talk to me.”

Belle felt tears welling up again. “I ruined everything. It seems I’m at fault for everything that Rumple has been through. – What have I done wrong?”

“Belle no one blames you for any of this. Where would you think that?” Prodding Belle gently for information though Archie was fairly sure where she got this notion from. The line between being a friend and divulging confidential doctor- patient information was fine, but for Belle Archie considered it. 

“Noura warned me not to hurt Rumple – that I need to accept him for who he is. I always accepted him. -  I love him. I may not have handled situations properly, but I – I loved him.  –I just didn’t understand what he was doing –and Rumple never volunteers anything about himself.” Belle grabbed a napkin wiping her eyes and continued. “No one understands how difficult it was. Anger, confusion, pain – I felt it too.”

Looking at Belle, Archie debated what he would say. “Do you remember Belle what Rumplestiltskin was before he met you? I can remember as it’s some of the things that he has spoken to me about. It was your love that kept him hanging on Belle. Hanging on to the last piece of himself that the curse didn’t take over so he certainly doesn’t blame you. Rumpelstiltskin knows what he’s done to you, how he hurt and damaged you.” Archie leaned over slightly while keeping eye contact with Belle. “I have been the Dark One’s therapist for a long time. He knows what he put your through. He doesn’t blame you and if anyone knows the details of what happened it’s both of you. It seems to me that you are taking on more responsibility than you should. Rumple caused a lot of damage too when he was filling with darkness. He was hurting others- no qualms about keeping you in the dark. Yes, there were things going on with him, but that doesn’t mean the pain you felt wasn’t real. Even after he woke from the coma, the pain for both of you was still there. He never expected you to jump right into a relationship again. He knew he needed to work on things.” Archie paused for a moment giving a reassuring smile.  “Are you going to let yourself feel like you aren’t good enough all because of someone else? Someone who wasn’t part of your marriage? Don’t listen to an outsider. Don’t take on more of the fault than is yours. Your husband would agree.”

“Ex-husband, it’s Ex.” Belle had a very bleak expression thinking of that. ”Rumple doesn’t want me however. He’s made that clear. – He doesn’t love me anymore.” Belle found herself sobbing now.

“Belle, I don’t want to break confidentiality, but Rumple is your true love and still your husband in my eyes. Besides I heard from Snow that you have seen the letters I had him write to you as part of his therapy so I think this information will help.”

Studying Archie’s face Belle considered telling him to not divulge information that was said between Rumple as him. “Archie, its invasion of privacy; seeing the letters was an invasion – I don’t think Rumple would be happy if you told me what was discussed.”

Archie nodded in agreement but continued. “Alright Belle – then listen to this story about a man at the crossroads.  I’ll call him Robert. Robert was a man that wielded too much power. Power that consumed him, that became what he hated and what he couldn’t live without.  The more he tried to tighten his hold on that power the more he was actually losing himself. He never realized what was happening. And if he did I don’t think he would have known how to stop it. It cost him dearly. He had lost his son to death, and then his beautiful wife no longer could see the man she married. – He was in a dark place.” Pausing to take a breath Archie examined Belle’s hands – she was shaking still, just enough for a keen eye to catch but it shown how vulnerable she was at the moment. “Robert lost everything, and then worse he felt those losses again. Believing for a time that he actually killed him son and the woman he loved. – Eventually he was convinced to start seeing me again.  It wasn’t easy. Robert is a stubborn patient and though he never had trouble admitting his failings, he would never admit those he loved had any. Soon though he started doing small things to help him regain the man he lost. Writing to his former wife – telling her everything he could.  He soon realized that he kept his wife in the dark about what was happening to him because he was afraid. Robert placed his wife on a pedestal that was too high. He saw himself as so unworthy of her that he tried to always make her see only the best part of him. He couldn’t live up to the expectations he made for himself. He realized that in the end there was a part of him that was purposefully pushing her away because the fear that she’d eventually see that he couldn’t be the man she expected was too much. “

Belle shook her head and interrupted. “Archie, Robert’s wife never expected him to be perfect. What she saw - she thought was the real him. She didn’t see him struggling, she didn’t understand it. It hit her hard when she found all the secrets –all that he couldn’t trust her with and had been hiding. She was crushed thinking he’d never be able to open to her and let her help. - That he’d never believe in her love.”

“Belle, he knows that now. He wanted you to see that he was this man, but he wasn’t. The fear that he wasn’t good enough caused him to be worse. The strong woman he loved so much that believed in him. He wanted to be as strong. It was difficult for him to admit that he caused you so much pain that you lost faith in him, your relationship, but mostly in you. – Belle - Rumple doesn’t love Noura. She’s around because she cared. But being complacent and a bit controlling doesn’t make it love.  She had a tight leash on Rumple you could say. He may have needed it at the time with his drinking and all, but eventually he started to feel like himself and he’d want to have freedom. – Noura isn’t a terrible person. She has faults and insecurities as we all do.  It was however a rebound relationship for the both of them. Most of them expire when both people are in a healthy place again. But for them it became more confusing when they should let go.  Noura kept Rumple on a tight schedule, her choices, her living arrangements, even picking out the home that would have no memories of the past for them to share. Before you came back the cracks were starting to appear.  Rumple didn’t need to be guided anymore. He wanted to have some control again, but he wasn’t able to really talk to Noura about it.”

He watched Belle process what he was telling her. That Rumple; even if he didn’t see it at the moment that his relationship with Noura would eventually end either way.

“Nothing is simple Belle. There is no right or wrong in this. Noura has faults; as does Rumple and you. The items in his house, all your belongings, and the letter –Rumple kept them because he still loves you. It’s the memories that someday he’ll return too. That he won’t let go of, even if he can’t face them yet.  – He told me his last visit that you coming to town made him nervous. Not because he didn’t love you, or want you, but Noura was safe, she would keep him under control. He was frightened that if he admitted he loved you that he’d start the cycle again and cause you pain. – He didn’t want to cause anyone pain; you or Noura.”

Belle was staring at her glass as Archie spoke. Trying to read between the lines of what he was telling her. Noura wasn’t perfect, she in fact was controlling. Rumple may have needed it at one point, but when he finally healed he’d more than likely want to have freedoms and trust. The relationship through Archie’s interpretation was more rebound than anything. The part that ran through Belle’s head was the same few words. Rumple still loved her, but Noura was safe. He was afraid he’d hurt her and Noura was safe.

“Thank you Archie. I feel better. Maybe in time Rumple and I can get to a place where we are comfortable enough to at least become friends. I know not to pressure for more.”

The two spent a few more minutes talking about casual things. Belle felt more at ease already.  She knew that come Friday she’d feel ready for dinner with her friends.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

This wasn’t a good idea David thought and he watched Belle at the dining room table conversing with Regina Emma and Snow.  The table was prepared and now just waiting for the main course to finish cooking in the oven.  A simple chicken casserole dish that Regina took much pride in – though it wasn’t dinner that David was concerned about it was the presence of Belle.  David adored Belle, but he was well aware that she didn’t know Rumple would be showing up and he doubted Rumple knew either.  Part of him hoped that somehow Snow would reveal this fact as he felt it wasn’t really a good idea to surprise either of them.

Catching Emma’s attention David motioned her over to the living room seeing where he and Henry had been talking.

“What’s up?” Emma said casually but she could tell by the glances that David was giving it was about Belle.

“Has anyone told Belle that Rumplestiltskin would be coming tonight?” He looked at Henry. “I know it was your plan, but I really don’t have a good feeling about this.  At least let her know and I will get a hold of Gold and inform him. – They both need to be emotionally prepared.”

Henry shook his head. “If either of them knows then they’ll most likely leave. If we don’t find a way to get them in a room together then they will just grow further apart.” Henry truly felt the element of surprise would be best.

Emma was well aware of Henry’s plan as she and Regina spoke about it at length. “I don’t know kid. The more I think about this the more I think David has a point. It throws people off when they get a surprise like that. It’s usually best to let them get prepared – to avoid any issues.”

David was about to call Rumple to tell him he’d be outside when the doorbell rang. Henry rushed to the door and David, Emma and Regina both walked near the entrance.

“Henry.” Rumple grinned at Henry. He had teased his grandson all week that he’d never finished the inventory in time for this dinner so their agreement would be off. Henry of course found a way. Greeting everyone Rumple handed Regina two bottles of wine to go with dinner and walked towards the dining room. David tried to pull him aside, but it was too late.

Belle had already gone pale at hearing Rumple’s voice, upon seeing him she wanted to hide. Rumple felt a bit of deja vue as he did the morning he walked into Granny’s to see the others and saw Belle seated in the table.

He stood there looking at Belle his emotions unreadable.  Belle tried to keep her composure as Rumple kept staring at her. He didn’t look angry or happy and that made it worse.

Henry finally broke the silence. “I invited Belle, Grandpa. She’s part of the family as well and eventually you two will need to be able to be in the same room. No time like the present.” Henry walked taking his seat near Belle, leaving a single seat between them. “Grandpa sit here.”

Rumple nodded lamely and walked over sitting next to Belle. “You don’t mind if I sit here?” He said with some tightness in his throat; he knew what was going on and he knew Belle was as much a victim as he was.

“As long as you’re alright with this Rumple.” Belle was as dumbstruck and nervous as he was. She felt it coming off him in waves.

Nodding Rumple took the seat next to her as everyone else sat. The food went around the table but no one was talking. This was going to be a long night.


	13. Made Into Pieces

Rumple and Belle were seated together and Henry couldn’t be happier. Completely unaware that he was pushing too hard. Both were looking straight ahead as if their necks would break if turned. It was so painfully obvious that they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do around each other. The tension in the air was heavy as it rolled in waves to the others around the table.  The clanking of utensils on plates and the white noise that lingers in a person’s ears were filling the room making it unbearable.

Regina let out a sigh as she examined everyone, it would be too noticeable if she had Belle and Rumple switch seats so she went for a subtle way to ease the building pressure. “So Belle, tell me what is going on at the library.”

 Belle turned to Regina thankful that the silence was broken momentarily. Clearing her throat and trying very hard to not feel Rumple’s presence as she spoke, knowing he was next to her and listening. “I updated the website to include the dates for the book club meetings and started a couple of children’s story times.  Every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon will be for older kids who can do crafts on what we read, and every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for preschool age children and their parents. This will be a great way for mothers and fathers to start their children reading and have an opportunity to socialize with other parents.”

Snow lit up and took that mention as an opportunity to jump into the conversation. “Oh Neal would love that. Truthfully, I could use some down time with Neal and a reading group with others parents sounds perfect.”

Happy that she was able to engage in a topic and not have it turn into a conversation regarding Rumple was a relief.  As Belle started to relax she gave information on the dates and sign ups. What new media has come in and what might interest those at the table. She stopped at Rumple not knowing if she should include him. If she didn’t then it would be obvious that she was trying to keep a distance and was already awkward.  Belle nervously turned her head in his direction without actually looking at Rumple she informed him of what was available.

“I um –think that there are a few new books you might be interested in. I did get some new historical thrillers in. Dan Brown’s newest.” Belle’s voice faded as she looked briefly at Rumple. His expression unreadable only made Belle more nervous. Was he irritated that she was attempting small talk or was he just indifferent to her?

When Belle had started talking Rumple felt he would break into a sweat. His mind was wandering to the past and he couldn’t shake it. He thought of Noura and the first time he admitted he liked her and then felt as if he betrayed Belle. He went and wrote as Archie had suggested and it felt like the weight was lifting off him, but now knowing she was next to him and aware of the setup he felt that weight crushing his chest now. It took a few moments before Rumple realized that he needed to respond. He had been listening to Belle’s voice, but not the topic. He had spent the whole time feeling her presence unable to concentrate. It was frustrating; he wasn’t ready to be around her.

Finally Rumple nodded while he continued moving his fork around his plate. “Yes Belle – thank you.” It was cowardice that Rumple was thinking of ways to excuse himself from the situation. He’d need to speak with Henry about this later. It was intrusive to both of them.

David talked briefly with Rumple about looking into what magic could keep the town line invisible to all but the residents of Storybrooke. Another effort to keep the outside world away along with anyone with bad intentions while allowing the residents to wander past the line safely.

Rumple mumbled a response about looking into it and setting up a time next week with Regina and Emma

With the conversation ended the table was once again a mix of tension and overt politeness. Small talk with very short answers made it evident that the more everyone was trying to ease the situation the more ridiculous it was becoming.

 “The wine is excellent. A very good choice Go –“Emma was cut off by Henry who really wanted to see his grandfather and Belle speak.

“So Grandpa the Miner’s Day festival is soon - I know you’re not one to go, but now that Belle is back and hasn’t been to it on a long time I was thinking you should take her.” It was direct and blunt. Now Henry’s intention could no longer be ignored.

Rumple had hoped to go through the dinner without any acknowledgment of what was going on. It was clear now that he would need to give an answer. He heard a whispered admonishment to Henry from both his mother’s however it was too late. All eyes were on him –Rumple didn’t bother to look at the expressions of the others. He was certain that some were apologetic and well the others he didn’t want to see the expectation, especially on Belle. He didn’t like feeling cornered. But this was Henry and his grandson meant well even if misguided

“Henry –I”

“Henry you’re grandfather doesn’t need to be pressured. And I am quite capable of going to Miner’s day alone.” Belle glanced at Henry with a look pleading him not to continue. “I don’t need to be babysat.”

“I just want to see you both happy.” Certain that he could convince both to see what was right in front of them, however Emma spoke up.

“Hey kid, drop it. Now is not the time.”

 Regina also answered wanting to make certain Henry understood. “Emma is right. This is not the time, besides your grandfather just split with Noura and –“

Rumple stood staring at everyone, the look of annoyance very clear. “I need to go. Henry, you and I will need to have a talk later.” Raising his hand to silence Henry’s objections Rumple continued. “I won’t do this now, and I think it best if you take some time off from working at the shop - at least the week.”

Trying to keep his anger and frustration in check Rumple didn’t wait for any responses. He left the house and headed to his car.

The whole table became deathly silent. Belle looking down at her plate afraid of seeing a look of pity on their faces – then she heard Regina telling Henry that he needed to give his grandfather space and warned him about trying to fix this and returning to work before Rumple was ready.  Henry had pushed a very fragile line between Rumple and Belle; they all saw what was happening. Regina was certain now they should have prevented Henry from overstepping. Noticing that Belle had her head lowered Regina worried that whatever could have been fixed was now made worse.

Everyone was at the table now talking about what Henry’s intentions were, and Belle would have felt forgotten if it wasn’t for Snow sitting down next to her. Shaking her head Belle did not want to be comforted. Seeing that she was as frustrated as Rumple was - Belle abruptly stood not really caring for courtesies; she needed to catch up to Rumple.

 Snow was about to go after Belle, but David caught her arm.  “Let her go Snow. Belle needs the space as well so let her take care of this. - We have all done enough.”

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Rumple was about to start his car when Belle caught up. Knocking on the passenger side window, Belle motioned for him to let her in. Taking Rumple’s silence as a yes Belle slid into the passenger seat.  

“Belle?” Rumple’s voice was stiff and all he could choke out was her name.

“Drive us around for a little while before you drop me off at Granny’s?” Belle knew this wasn’t ideal, but she needed to clear the air.

Starting the car Rumple drove slowly. “What do you wish to discuss? Not what Henry was suggesting I hope.”

“No Rumple. This took me by surprise too –you do know that don’t you? Though I did have my suspicions when he had us sit together. I never would have put you in that position.” Belle sighed as she received no response from Rumple. “I’m sorry about you and Noura. You did the right thing though.”

Rumple glanced at Belle momentarily at that. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?” The hurt as still there and he didn’t want Belle to rub salt in the wound. “How could you know what the right thing to do was Belle?”  His bark was harsher than he intended and he could see out of the corner of his eyes Belle flinch.

“I only meant that you reunited Noura with her husband. If she still loves him then it was the right thing to do. No matter how painful it was you still let her go.” Belle was considering telling Rumple to pull over and she could just walk the rest of the way. “All I wanted to do was talk for a moment with you. Not to bring up the past, just to talk. No matter what; Henry and the others are going to include both of us in plans. It may not be ideal, and I don’t want you to feel pressured. I am trying to think of a way we could both handle this.”

Rumple snorted as he stopped the car alongside the park. “I can’t talk Belle. There is not much to say. You’re right though the situation is the farthest thing from ideal.”  Sighing he turned to face Belle. “I am not certain I’ll ever be ready to be around you Belle. Truth is I can’t handle it. “

“You’re handling it now aren’t you?” Belle countered

“No I’m not Belle.  I look at you and I see failure, broken trust – abandonment. Not you – but me.  You, Archie, everyone can argue that I was in a dark place, that I needed to hit the bottom to realize what was happening. – And you can take as much responsibility as you want. However, it doesn’t take away the damage I caused. “

Tears were filling his eyes. Rumple needed to do this; he couldn’t accept that she would want him. Not after all he’s done. Besides the fact that he was still bruised from his breakup with Noura, no matter what the circumstances were. “I don’t know if I will ever change –“

“I don’t want you to change. I’m not asking that now. I understand –“Belle interrupted tears also welling in her eyes. Certain of the finality in what he was going to say.

“Please let me finish.”  Catching his breath Rumple went to take Belle’s hand but stopped. “I don’t know if I will ever feel different when I think of you. When I see you my heart breaks. Being in the same room with you is too much. I will never understand why anyone let alone you should want us reconciled. – Don’t you see Belle?  After everything that has happened why would we want to go back? ” Rumple for the first time really looked at Belle. Everything about her was so much the same and at the same time he felt she was different. “I didn’t have the strength to heal when you and I broke up, perhaps because of what you meant to me, but I need to see myself though this – alone. Living without you would never have crossed my mind before. I would have thought it impossible. But I have lived without you - Just as you lived without me.

Belle was trying to catch up to what Rumple was saying. Confusion flitted across her face, so many thoughts and so many twisting emotions.  “Living maybe – however speaking for myself I don’t feel alive. That’s what I learned about myself. I came to understand more about a lot of things.” Belle hesitated not sure where this was going. “I won’t lie and say I’m not hurting. However, I can accept that your needs are now different. What you see in your future doesn’t include me.” Belle sat straight her voice quiet as she struggled to find those words and keep her emotions intact. No matter what, she loved Rumple and would not make him feel emotionally blackmailed or even guilty for her anguish.

They both sat quietly for a few moments, looking away and pretending that whatever they seemed to be staring at had their attention.  Rumple’s voice was thick with emotion when he finally spoke. Taking his time he started the car.  “When it comes to you, my feelings will never change. They never have. – I need this Belle. I need to take care of myself now. Not rely on someone else to pull me up. I don’t know what my future holds any more than you know about yours. All I know is I can’t find it if I’m still stuck in the past. And you right now are my past.”

Rumple pulled away from the curb and headed towards Granny’s. Putting on music to replace the need for further conversation – he wasn’t ready. Part of him wanted to give her hope that in time they could be friends, but he wasn’t certain he could live up to that.  He needed to talk to Archie that was the only thing that he felt he could do at the moment.

 

Neither could find anything to say as Rumple stopped in front of the diner. Belle placed her hand on the door to leave when Rumple touched her left arm. She froze, his touch – even through her coat still sent shivers through her. “Belle – Nothing is going to make this right. I will talk with the others about stopping this nonsense. If by chance we run into each other - I can’t say how I’ll feel.  Right now though – “

Belle opened the car door. She refused to look at Rumple; her tears couldn’t be stopped now. All she could muster was a choked filled goodbye as she ran off.

Rumple sat in his car outside Granny’s for a while. She was crying, she had been when he was driving her back to Granny’s and he ignored that _. And right now you are my past._ He ignored her.  He had never felt so cold and callous before. Even the terrible things he had done as the Dark One paled in comparison to the sound of her voice filled with tears.

He was breaking.

 Rumple had kept walls around himself when he realized in order to move on with Noura he needed to cut his emotions off.  He felt he could handle this, that he could keep himself safe. Keep Belle safe, but now Rumple felt too overwhelmed. Intense emotions flooded him along with every painful memory since he went to the Underworld. He needed to dull this.

Rumple drove to the Victorian and once inside he felt every memory that this place held. He slowly approached the stairs feeling ominous about what was on the second floor.  He would need courage to walk up those stairs so he went to his liquor cabinet and poured himself a tall glass of scotch. Taking the bottle with him he finally ascended the stairs. Rumple’s throat thickening with emotion as he passed the picture of Baelfire with Henry and Belle - the loss of a child never heals no matter how much time passes.

As he entered the master bedroom he could sense that Belle had been here. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he felt it.  Setting down his drink he went immediately to the box of letters.  She had read them – Belle knew. He never wanted her to know he had lacked so much strength and courage. She knew how lost he had been; how he failed and it pained him. Unable to keep his feelings under control he summoned a blaze in the fireplace and tossed the box in. Watching the letters burn Rumple paced and walked towards the window. Upon seeing the chipped cup he immediately felt himself cave. Rumple cradled the cup in his hands and walked to the bed. Sitting as he was no longer able to stop the tears.


End file.
